Moonraker : Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

1. You can fall from a cable-car and still be in 'great shape'.

2. There's only one way to kill 5 hours in Rio (if you don't samba)

3. You can never trust a humble pilot.

4. When somebody tells you that you can go 'anywhere you wish', they don't really mean it (unless you want to be killed by a ninja)

5. It's pronounced Bucking-HAM Palace

6. Rubber snakes can be potentially lethal.

7. The US government always has laser-armed astronauts on reserve, just in case a space station were to appear out of nowhere.

8. Dead people can come back to life, and try to stab you.

9. There's never a 70 year old around when you need one.

10. The only thing Britain contributed to Western Civilisation was afternoon tea.

11. Don't ever talk to strange men, they might try to eat you.

12. Bizarrely, doctors can also be female.

13. Don't ever tell your boss about a secret lab you found, they have a habit of disappearing.

14. You can be a secret agent and still be world-famous.

15. Don't worry if you fall out of a plane without a parachute, there will always be a circus tent to break your fall.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

16. Pigeons can, and in fact do double take.

- ChrisWalkensPal
If only it were true: http://www.walken2008.com/

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

I think they actually carried a shuttle in this manor recently, although not fully loaded with fuel.

Gr8 movie if you switch of your brain tho

I think that's the whole point.

I think the point of that observation is that nobody in their right mind would want to carry one fully fuelled. On the director's commentary they talk about NASA piggy-backing the shuttle but also miss the elephant-in-the-corner point about fuel.

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

20. If a cable car stops between stations and you're hundreds of feet in the air, you're ALWAYS better off out on the roof than in the car.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

21) Safari suits are standard attire for secret agents.

22) Gun toting stewards are the price you pay for cheaper cost airlines.

23) Yellow jump-suits are standard attire for secret agents.

'I'll need expenses...And my expenses are expensive...'

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

24) Henchmen can switch to the good side.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

25. Gondola's can multi-task.

26. Bearded men are evil.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

27. Evil Scientists use the theme from "Close Encounters" as the secruity code for their secret lab.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

28. Chemical/biological weapons are best stored in easy-to-break glass vials.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…


29. You can have a 100% concealable, very poisonous, very effective wristgun and then forget about it when fighting off bad guys, henchmen and snakes. Then te next movies, it dissappears into total oblivion.
30. (Typically Bond) Whenever someone dies you make a horrible pun about it and that's totally acceptable.
31. The bad guy will lock you up in a place that's leathal, but also contains an easy and obvious escape route.
32. space shuttles carrie enough fuel to go around the world as many times as you want.

---http://spacehamster.com----------------------->

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

35. There are Mayan pyramids in the Amazon rainforest.

36. There are English-language advertisements all over Portuguese-speaking Brazil.

37. American female secret agents don't do much but follow you and keep one single facial expression.

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…


32. space shuttles carrie enough fuel to go around the world as many times as you want.

34. A space shuttle can do one more orbit around the world because the people inside feel like it...

While this board is funny, I feel the need to correct these two. Anything that's in orbit will stay in orbit millions of years without needing fuel to continue to do so. So yes, as long as Bond feels he can 'keep up' whatever he is doing up there, they can stay up as long as they want. Just look at the moon. Does it need fuel to continue staying up there looking pretty?



That is one big plie of sh*t.- Ian Malcolm

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Hey, I'm all for people having fun and I love boards like this! Being a space geek, I just always feel the need to correct people that make common mistakes regarding space movies. Stuff like:
"There's no gravity in space" and
"There's no sound in space".

That is one big plie of sh*t.- Ian Malcolm

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

An orbit only takes 90 minutes. They've got enough oxygen for weeks up there.

That is one big plie of sh*t.- Ian Malcolm

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

39. A woman would rather run into the woods than drive away in a golf cart that is right next to her when being chased by dogs.

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

-Building a space station is easier than you would think and no one will be suspicious when private shuttles constantly ferry materials into space and return empty

-Owning a fleet of shuttles is not unusual

-The human race can be repopulated with less than 100 people

-When choosing a super race first look at who already works for you

-Killing people is fine for money, but if your in love other people killing people is unnacceptable

-Love changes even the most evil person

-Airport security wont mind your metal teeth

-You can play the piano without touching the keys

-Keeping raw meet in the same room as young women will not cause your chances of scoring any harm

- If your attempt to destroy a shuttle with the handy onboard cannon is temporarily stopped, immedietly forget it exists and dont try and use it again

-if a secret service agent has no idea you are involved in an evil scheme, try and kill them to ensure they realise their mistake

-rather than kill the same pesky oblivious agent with a gun, ask them to use the g force simulator

-when multiple attempts to kill the agent have failed and your guilt is obvious, have your driver take him to the airport and forget the loaded gun in your hand

-assination attempts require hunting guests to leave

-assination attempts can only be peretrated by a man in a tree, on no account must you shoot an unarmed man standing infront of you by yourself, even if you have a loaded gun and there are no witnesses

-British agents in 1979 never bring a gun with them when travelling by cable car

-British agents will save handy wrist cannon for French billionaires, and despite much ammunition, will not use it against 7ft assasins

-If gravity fails immedietly prepare the space marines

-Nasa is ready for anything in 10 mins notice

-The USSR is ready for any space based threat but will wait 72 hrs before acting

-When the fate of the world hangs in the balance rely on the American shuttle rather than sending your own is best

-KGB leaders cant sleep

-The Eiffel tower can be bought, but not moved

-French palaces can be bought AND moved

-A safe with secret plans must be kept in the guest quarters

-Pilots must be informed where all safes are

-Pilots must not kill people with guns and must instead jump from the plane

-million dollar vases are adequaetly protected by a simple alarm

-million dollar vases can be stored in rooms that are not locked and are accesible from the street

-when trying to kill someone a kendo stick rather than a gun is a better choice

-a glass handle sword is surprisingly effective against a kendo stick

-falling through a pane of glass causes no injurys

-when dealing with toxins have the international symbol of radiation hazard emblazzened on the door rather than the symbol for biohazard

-a perfect place for your base is the same location as the growing spot of deadly orchids

-secret agents know the latin name for most orchids

-when in a boat heading for a waterfall, ignore your weapons and instead fly from the vehicle

-under no circumstances must a boat be turned around when an oncoming hazard is seen

-shuttles are surprisingly quiet even half an air shaft away

-making jokes with seconds to go before a shuttle incinerates you is a valuable use of your time

-the only gadjets you have with you will always be effective

-women will in rio want to kiss you just mins after they have met you

-when purusing secret agents a carnival costume is an effective disguise

-ensure '007' is embalazened on all your equipment

-strangely wild west style outfits will be available if you've fallen from an ambulance a few mins earlier

-rather tha machine gun an approaching gondola, a man in a coffin armed with knives should be your preferred method of attack

-secret agents have gandget equipped gondolas in Venice, but not in the far east

-equipment that is 'standard issue' will be phased out quickly regardless of effectiveness

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

When going UPSTREAM in Brazil by boat you have to be on the lookout to make sure you don't go over a waterfall.


Someone intent on killing off everyone on earth will have no problem finding a ground crew, mission control operators, and support staff to help him launch six space shuttles even though all of those people filling those positions will be stranded on earth and will be gassed to death a couple of hours later.


When a secret agent that you want killed shoots a sniper on your property you should just let him hop in a car and drive him to the airport instead of shooting him in the back as he turns around to get in the car. Especially when you have one and a half shotguns (Bond only used one barrel of the double barrel to shoot the sniper.) and he has none.

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Whenever you're called into the boss's office for a briefing, you will always be up to date on all aspects of the (previously unknown to you) topic of discussion.

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

- the blast from a space shuttle, whose safe observation distance is a four miles radius, can be easily withstood from just a few yards away by crawling down a ventilation shaft.

- Super suave agents who wear Savile Row suits also wear cheap black plastic digital watches

- Drinking wine causes hallucinations

- When you are about to show your boss and other high ranking officials into an evil geniuses lair, don't bother checking first to see if he did a moonlight flit

- A shotgun can kill a sniper at about forty yards range without leaving any visible marks

- If you have been saved from death from a huge giant who is dancing down the street a few yards away, don't run away but just walk away nonchalantly

- If you want to blend in as a secret agent in Brazil, wear an Argentinian cowboy outfit

- If you want to wipe out the human race with poison gas, build a huge space station at vast risk and expense. Don't bother just sealing your hidden underground lair off against the gas and using that instead.

- If a hot chick does her hair in stupid plaits and wears glasses, she'll look dumb enough to fall in love with a 7' metal toothed sadistic giant.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

"Scaramanga??" Long pause "Oh yes, [proceeds to give his life story]"

"Worthington, we're being attacked by giant bats!"

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

There are "rent-a-henchmen" agencies all over the world that provide the best lethal henchmens to megalomaniacs in need ofsome muscle.

Question about #26

#26 - Bearded men are evil


Does EvilCo. mandate that all it's registered members grow beards, or does a man grow inherently more evil as said beard gets thicker??


PS-thanks for the laughs, guys

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Ventilation shaft covers in rooms that are designed to withstand the intense heat of space shuttle take offs can be broken by setting off a small detonator next to them.

If James Bond meets a Brazilian woman he has to have sex with them a minute after first meeting.

Henchman dressed as paramedics are on immediate standby if other henchmen fail to stop Bond on a cable car.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

You laugh, but when a space station really DOES appear out of nowhere, you'll be thankful for those astronauts with lasers.

And I agree. James Bond is so famous in his own world that he never has a cover and the villians can just pull up any information they need on him from a computer. In the next film, the villians should just google him.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

cutting a main cable to a cable car has no effect on its ability to move or stay in the air.

Hitting a man in his metal teeth is the only course of action despite it having no effect the last 5 times.

instead of being delayed for months for the slightest reason, space shuttles can actually get off the ground in minutes if they get their sh*t together.

alarms protecting expensive glassware cut out when you stop being naughty

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

The U.S. routinely uses the R.A.F. to tote their shuttle around.

"...nothing is left of me, each time I see her..." - Catullus

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

When briefing in missions of international security the head of the British Secret service will essentially force their top agent to guess all the instructions for the mission.

When capturing secret agents supervaillains and their henchmen will not think to check for exploding watches or guns strapped to wrists. In fact the entire wrist area appears to be a no-search zone.

Jaws is immortal.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

If you are James Bond no female CIA or M16 operative will bother about working with you even when they know that it usually ends up with you going all silly and having sex with you or getting killed.

No-one has ever turned up claiming to be Bond's son or daughter.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

When attempting re-entry, turn all cameras off before removing your clothes

Human beings are no longer considered animals, since deadly orchids will kill humans, but not harm animals or plants

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

- if you have six hours in Rio and don't know how to samba, casual sex with someone you've just met is the recommended course of action

- the best way to charm a highly intelligent female scientist is to tell her you're surprised she's a woman

- if you want to kill a secret agent in a glass factory, the best way to do it is send in a screaming, sword wielding lunatic to smash the place up

- everything in space is weightless except sheets on naked couples

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

A few bullets to a dashboard would render a plane unflyable

Even though you are very evil, you still have black people in your plan to repopulate the earth. You're evil but not racist.

You fast forward the scene where the dogs get to eat their meat to make them seem more menacing.

When you run into a gondola it splits in half.

you use a very catchy melody for a very secure facility. like everyone would remember it.

dont ever use gas masks when working with really dangerous poisons

Get the minister of defence to inspect a crime scene.

leave valuable million dollar glass peices exposed and in shatterable glass cases

Dont scream when a giant stranger tries to bite you to death

when dancers come along, you just have to follow them and dance even when you have a mission to kill a british agent.

A CIA agent finds it hard to trust a british agent in the same case. Did she think the British actually stole the shuttle

Do the sign of the cros after beating up someone in training.

You use the magnificent 7 theme in MR because you also used the lawrence of arabia theme in TSWLM

I now know where Kill bill got her outfits concept, yellow with black stripes.

You use the exact same words from TSWLM 'whet your appetites'

when you jettison your main tanks they fall off real fast under the influence of strange gravity.

There is a station that also shows Law and Order in the Heavens.


Moonraker is actually my all time favourite Bond Movie, but couldn't help adding these to the list.

Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Apparently the space shuttle sounds like a Boeing 747 while flying through space.

"Never judge a book by its movie", - J. W. Eagan

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

Don't *beep* with girls who have attended Vassar. They'll kick your ass.

Women enjoy seeing men get squeezed to death by snakes (My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun).

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Re: Things I've learned from watching Moonraker…

on one side of a door there's no gravity and people float around and walk slowly....but on the other side of the door there's full gravity and everyone walks normally.


A pilot can predict he'll land in England 15 minutes early, even though he's still flying over the Yukon, 12 hours from his destination.


A henchman will sneakily creep up on Bond by hiding in a coffin atop a Gondola and then use this element of surprise to throw a knife at the poor Gondolier rather than his target, who's sitting defenceless 6 feet away.
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