The Soapbox : Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

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Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

👏

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🙈

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Seriously? You read what I wrote, right?

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I didn’t read it 💀🙈

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Nobody ever does.

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It was really long tbf

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Yeah but it's mostly pictures, so you'll be fine.

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No m8 it is mostly words lol look what happens when you take away the pics


Warren Peace is chromosomally a human man, but emotionally, he’s a 15-year-old, vitamin B12-deficient girl suffering from a perpetual period. Despite claiming to know everything there is to know about absolutely everything, he sought the advice of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, who recommended he try a course of protein, open sense-of-humor surgery, and grade school education. Unfortunately for Warren, the good doctor couldn’t spare the time required to back up his treatment plan with the mountain of empirical data demanded of his patient, and so the prognosis for this character doesn’t look good. Expect him to figuratively and literally, due to anemia, fade away into obscurity.

Perfecting a Trumpian pronunciation of China, the diminutive American character actor Toby Jones is the socially awkward Rittenhouse The Righteous, a mentally unstable, paranoid delusional who exists in a permanent state of terror at the impending tragedy of [insert unfounded conspiracy theory here]. As Nimda and his Männerbund plow on with their heroic mission to release “The Code”, fighting fervently against the powerful Forces of Nature and the zombie trolls of The Walking Dead, will Rittenhouse’s monotonous and monotone screaming into the void send the plot spiraling out of control? Unlikely, given his inability to convince anyone of anything, but there’s always the danger that Alex Jones will tune in, and then all hell may break loose.

Wearing nothing more than a bathroom robe, a string vest, and a pair of English brogues, and in his debut acting role, Prince Harry is Millard, the woke, underemployed, anti-monarchist who is an embarrassing parasite to his family. Proudly devoid of any dignity or integrity, M’lard (recognizing a kindred spirit, the prince requested that the character’s name reference his own lofty title) spends his days plotting a revolution to usurp Nimda’s crown as the leader of the Männerbund. Daily attempts to gain their respect are offered in the form of pictures of his bare, hairy ass, and anecdotes about wanting to penetrate his grade school friend. However, despite this unrequited homosexuality, the apple of M'lard’s eye is the mythological Aphrodite, rumored to be an English beauty with a nippleless bust and a missing lower jaw, who he longs to lay on his well-maintained lawn after a date of al fresco fish and chips. Will M’lard’s royal and romantic ambitions be realized? Will Nimda fall for the deceptive woke virtue signaling that hides a sinister, regal plot? Will Mandy be drawn to the palatial lifestyle of a dreary one-bedroom flat in northern England? Tune in to find out.

Having spent two years in an intensive speech therapy program, Joe Pesci takes on the thespian challenge of a lifetime playing Kirk, the Dr. Jekyll-like character who is tenaciously pursuing a friendship with any woman who’ll tolerate him. Drawing on his previous Leo Getz role, Pesci plays a softly spoken and highly complementary character who has a good heart. Harmlessly masturbating at a rate even a rabbit high on a “lapine” aphrodisiac would be proud of, Kirk is a simple man with simple needs. However, when this onanism regimen is disrupted, his testosterone levels spike and the Mr. Hyde-like Koik is unleashed, calling forth a violent, Tommy DeVitoesque rage that threatens to violate any nearby female cast members. Although Nimda is not immune to the threat, he has chosen to harness it as a line of defense against Filmboardian females to ensure they are kept at a distance from “The Code”. Will Kirk be left Home Alone frequently enough to keep his Lethal Weapon serviced, or will the Goodfella commandeer his brain once more, and unleash the Raging Bull?

Aphrodite (Emma Watson) is a glamorous, gorgeous, independent woman who knows what she wants. Too bad she doesn’t exist and only appears on screen when the character is viewed from the internal perspective of thirsty young men. In reality, Emily Watson has exchanged the toxicity of Chernobyl for the toxic world of FRTT. Her pleas for Nimda to rewrite “The Code” to free her from the labyrinthine clutches of Filmboards are disingenuous and mask a wicked and sordid truth; she is suffering from Stockholm syndrome at the hands of a hideous minotaur, allegorically represented by her unnatural desire for the angry, greasy, one-eyed monster lurking in the feces and urine-stained pants of Dane the Dosser. Can Millard offer her a compelling route out of her own, self-created nightmare? Can Nimda rescue her through a recoding masterstroke? Expect Season 3 to be high-octane drama that will rival anything Disney+ can shit out.

Have I not thought about these characters enough? Am I losing my passion for this project? Possibly. I’ve heard it on the grapevine – ironically, it was from Marvin Gaye himself – that Joan Collins might finally be joining us down here later this year, so I’m busy getting into shape and remodeling my room in the hope that I get that glamorous ass first. I can’t wait. I’m bored to tears of fucking Vivian Leigh, if I’m honest, and none of these other bitches have the sack etiquette that a dirty old bastard like me is looking for.


That is longer than Patricks spur of the moment post! I hope to god you are not here via phone because if you are then this must have taken all fucking afternoon to write up

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

I'm confident it took me less time to write it than it would take you to read it.

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why would I read it? It's gay lol

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

I didn't even read my entry.
Why bother when it is yet another humorless attempt to insult me.

Nice to see I am living rent free in your head and everyone else who gives me shit.

Animal agriculture is killing the earth.
Save a life. Your own.
Go vegan.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters



My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Frtt's real name.

My password is password

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This message has been deleted.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

He actually used your real name here and changed it to "Aphrodite" after I hinted at it being doxxing.

You are more Emma than Emily anyway.

My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Nice doxxing.

My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

I've changed a few things since the initial draft.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

What was it before?

It’s okay to post it in reply to this.

Good talk.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

What was it before?
Different.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Joe Pesci is 79. DiNero and Paul Sorvino will also make it to 80. A shame the youngest Ray Liotta is gone now at 67. Damn cigarettes.

You can't find anyone to fck in L.A., Drama!
-Billy Walsh

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

What the fuck does any of that have to do with this TV show, kid?

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"One of these things is not like the other."

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Seeing Pesci's photo and reading "Tommy DeVitoesque rage" got me thinking about the icons from Goodfellas. Excuse me for lamenting about the late Liotta.

You can't find anyone to fck in L.A., Drama!
-Billy Walsh

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Your audience will unfortunately be roused from their drooling stupors and captivated only by the presence of pictures as they scroll past the rest to excitedly shit their non-thoughts onto your screen. If you could repackage this in coloring-book format, or even scratch it in its entirety and rework into a 'what's your favorite kind of toast?' poll, I'd say you have a real winner on your hands.

But really, great post. No sense in me quoting the highlights, it's clever all the way through.

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Well, if the TV show continues to be a huge success, I don't see why Holiday House won't buy the rights and make a little wipe clean, laminated version.

My real market is actually grade school kids, to be honest. I don't really enjoy having to make references to the myth of Theseus, or shit like that. I just want to pump this shit out then get back to the bestiality room. For now at least. Once Joan arrives, obviously I'll be following her around everywhere she goes, making sure I don't miss my turn.

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Not cruel enough, I hope you're not losing your edge.

That Rittenhouse guy? It was spot on, but he seems to have cheered up lately

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Meh. I'm feeling all loved up about Joan.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Haha, quite an entertaining read.


I think Warren is more Elliot Page though.



Millard strikes me as Casey Margolis in SuperBad


Groovy

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

*Ellen

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Just being considerate of the legal change but yes

Groovy

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Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters



My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Did I miss something good?

Groovy

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No matter who plays me at least I will get royalties or whatever they call it.

Animal agriculture is killing the earth.
Save a life. Your own.
Go vegan.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

You don't get royalties for a biography, moron.

My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Cut him some slack. He also thinks landlords pay the tenants. It shouldn't even be possible to bungle the "rent free" line that hard, but his retardation knows no limits.

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You must be talking about Warren. That guy is an imbecile.

Check my block list because you're probably on it.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

You are named after a DIsney character, DIsney gets the royalties.

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he already used elliot page for ryan

https://filmboards.com/board/p/3347011/

My password is password

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Why am I being played by Prince Harry though? Lol.

https://mightdeletelater.freeforums.net/

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Okay I read it now

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Why isn't Millard being played by Patton Oswalt?

My password is password

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Or Jessie Plemons?

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Agreed

🕊️

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters


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Lol

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

Not your best work, but entertaining nonetheless.

I see you think my height is amusing. No surprise there.

Check my block list because you're probably on it.

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

I thought this account was you at one point lol

Re: Filmboards the TV Show: New Characters

It is

My password is password
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