Telstar: The Joe Meek Story : Telstar and the trouble with British cinema.

Recovering from the fact that the second credit says "A Simon Jordan Production"* I thought Telstar was good, not great, but good. I thought the use of music was done very very well. Con O'Neill was great.

It does, however, illustrate several problems with the British film industry, notably its over reliance on TV. It feels like we haven't got a big enough pool of acting talent to cast a film without using people who are over familiar from television. A film loses its magic when you have too many people you know from your living room appear in it. James Corden and Ralf Little turning up in the first five minutes was, for me, rather jarring. There must be someone other than Anthony Royle who is able to play bassists in British films. Why have that bloke from EastEnders as Jess Conrad?

It may be personal prejudice, but why have a cameo from Jimmy Carr when an extra could've done that tiny role for 200 and not interrupted the flow of the film? What was the point of Marcus Brigstocke's appearance on a TV screen? I couldn't work out if Kevin Spacey was in the film as a type of community service to help the makers, or the makers got him involved so it would be shown in a cinema in New York and one in Los Angeles for a week.

Having said that, the concept behind getting Justin Hawkins to play Lord Sutch and Carl Bart to appear as Gene Vincent was good, and probably would've worked had the film been made in 2003, but now, in 2009, it feels like their moment in the musical spotlight is as distant as the people they were portraying.

Nick Moran always cites Christie Malry's Own Double-Entry (http://www.imdb.com/board/10213561/ as one of the best films he's been involved in. In an interview contained on the DVD of that film, its director Paul Tickell says "If you ask me about the British film industry, it's definitely a mess. So much money has been wasted on TV drama writ large. They're patently not film-makers. There's nothing wrong with TV but I don't go to the cinema to go and see a bit of *beep* television blown up with a bigger budget which is what most British films are like." Yes, most of the action takes place in a room above a leather goods shop run by the woman from The Darling Buds of May, and yes it's based on a play, but Telstar was not cinematic at all. Did we really need to see, after hearing Meek talk on the phone to Brian Epstein about his Merseybeat group, a shot of a tape marked "The Beatles" going into the bin? We can work it out, surely.

For me, it would've been better served (and got a bigger audience) had it been a one off drama made for BBC Four, like their films about Kenneth Williams and the making of Steptoe and Son.


*Fair play to the Robbie Savage-a-like for putting the money up for the film, the glamour of bankrolling a football team managed by Neil Warnock must wear off very quickly, but what does it say about the state of the British film industry that a film based on an acclaimed play and featuring a man who was won two Oscars needs to rely on the chairman of a second tier football club to fund it?

Sadly, that's that state of play in the British cinema these days. If it wasn't for Simon Jordan, we'd have to rely on the Yanks bankrolling it. To get any British money, it would have been about an Islamic Lebian paraplegic.

And you'd have to get us "Yanks" (as you so cavalierly moniker my ilk) to buy tickets to a movie about some obscure flamboyantly gay, tone deaf, songwriter-producer "Limey" we know nothing about. Isn't racism fun chris?

@ allzlot. You should probably go and learn the meaning of the word racism. Idiot.

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But to capitalize on the 'racist' tone (xenophobia seems a more correct epithet for you to have used/leveled) one can suggest that this glaring gap may have something to do with your country being, at large, blithely ignorant of any culture beyond its waters.

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You were too lenient with him: as a Canadian, I can safely say that the Americans aren't only blithely ignorant of any culture beyond its waters, they're blithely ignorant of their next door neighbors. They know nothing of us at all except how much snow we get, and how cold it gets (like it doesn't get cold down south, too.) And they still keep trying to desert the US Army by coming here, forgetting that the minority government of Stephan Harper is to the right of George Bush, and that we have troops in Afghanistan too; therefore, knowing nothing about Joe Meek isn't and shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Hell, they barely know who Bobby Darin was (which forced Kevin Spacey to go to Germany to finance and film Beyond The Sea!)

I, an American born in '67, know very well who Bobby Darin was, and, although I was ignorant of Meek until recently, I was surprised to discover how very much of his music is in my collection (but I'm a huge instro lover, so).

That said, I can't argue with the fact that US Americans are, by and large, shamefully culturally insulated and ignorant of anything outside the narrow window of popular culture and stupidity-inducing political propagandizing that issues from our appallingly toxic idiot boxes. Sad but true. And because of Fox "News" a lot of US Americans think that waiting for healthcare in Canada is like being condemned to a Soviet gulag and that high speed rail is the stuff of science fiction. And if we're so far in the dark about other countries, we're equally ill-informed about our own - how many Americans are convinced that we are on the brink of a totalitarian socialist takeover? It's hard to sort out the astronomical levels of stupid vs. crazy, but it all comes dipped in a heavy, HEAVY coating of ugly and tasteless. I truly despise my culture every single day of my life. I'm not exaggerating that sentiment even a little bit.

I grew up listening to more than just what was current. The Ventures' 'Telstar' album (a cover, I know) was in my mother's record collection, and this is almost certainly where my love of vintage instrumentals issues from (she wasn't playing it, I was). I'm almost ashamed to say that my interest in classical as a child starts with Disney - but fortunately it didn't end there. I have no idea when I discovered Latin and Brazilian Jazz, but I'm an addict. By 1990 I was so disgusted with what was current that I stopped listening to commercial radio and watching TV completely, and that forced me even deeper into the back-catalogue. Thank God for the internet. I now have roughly a century's worth of recorded music at my disposal, and I may not be able to avoid knowing the names Kanye, Miley, Bieber, Gaga, Jay Z, etc., but I'm pleased to say I couldn't identify any one of their songs if you put a gun to my head. I'll never have to bother, either, as I never seem to run out of discoveries.

Anyway, I didn't realize until recently how much gratitude I owe Joe Meek.

Wowyou not a giant fanatical douchbag!

And I really don't care if anyone calls me a "Yank." For a country so full of swaggering bravado and arrogant insults to anyone and everyone (and a fork 'em if they can't take a joke attitude about it), nobody gets hypocritically hypersensitive like my dear countrymen, bless their little hearts. But we've also been conditioned to be actively alert at all times for things to get offended by.

I grew up in England and spent half my life there and can safely say that most Brits aren't any more knowledgeable of other cultures than the "yanks" are.

Dreadfully sorry, old chap! I meant "our cousins across the Atlantic". Bet you've never called us Limeys. Or the French "cheese-eating surrender monkeys!"

Awwwwwwwwwww do you think American is a race?? Awwwwwwwwww

I'm here, I'm there, I'm, *beep* everywhere. I'm the egg man

I am an Islamic Lesbian paraplegic and I have just raised several million big bucks from various British sources including the Film Council and Channel 4 (bless 'em) to make a film about my depressing life in a wheelchair and how I survive from day to day living in an 18th floor council flat in Hackney and cope with lifts that don't work and a group of skinheads who racially taunt and homophobically abuse me. The trouble is, Sir Michael Caine has refused to play my Dad, and Keira Knightley (I fancy her like mad) refuses to play my social worker, so I will have to rely on ex-soap stars to play these roles. Larry Lamb has shown an interest, now that he's left 'Enders, but maybe I should be PC and cast a black actress as the social worker. But all the famous ones have gone to the USA (Marsha Thomason, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Sophie Okonedo). I wonder why??? Can anyone help me think of a good title for the film?

What did you British cinema-goers think of JJ Fields in this film? I don't think this film played in the US. I'd love to see it. I adored the music of the British Invasion and love non-fiction pictures and books.

Responding the this THREAD, my husband is British and we have always been amused when seeing big movie actors like Judi Dench and Nigel Havers appear on British TV productions shown on our "public television" station. I LOVED the British cinema of the '60's. Didn't George Harrison "save" the industry in the '80's? We saw a few "Handmade Films" as well as one of my favorite films, "My Beautiful Laundrette", yes, a Channel Four production.

Hope things turn around for your wonderful industry.

"Two more swords and I'll be Queen of the Monkey People." Roseanne

Film title for a "muslim lesbian paraplegic" eh?

How about 'Kneels on Wheels'?

Hahahahahaha

I'm here, I'm there, I'm, *beep* everywhere. I'm the egg man

God you're all a bunch of circling vultures re the Islamic disabled lesbian 'joke'

Anyway, the reason our big actors do tv is because the quality of our television dramas in the UK is generally good. Also, there's probably not enough money in the British film industry to make a stable living.

I would hazard a guess that not every British actor thinks the pinnacle of acting integrity is showing up as some stereotyped 'English posho' in a Hollywoood film?? To make it in Hollywood you'd have to commit to living in the US for substantial periods - personally, living anywhere in the US for longer than a 2 week holiday would be murder.

Hence we see our good actors on television AND in British films.

Deal with it - inverted snobs!

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The worst culprit however was the lad off S Club 7 as Billy Fury. Woeful.

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Didn't realise it was him until I read that, but for reasons too boring/embarrassing to go into here, I'll admit a soft spot for S Club so won't be too hard on him.

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Con O'Neill was amazing. Hopefully he gets more work after this.

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He's just replaced Matt Lucas as Kenneth Halliwell in the West End production of Prick Up Your Ears, which has got him a bit of publicity before he's even started in the role, so that can't be bad.

I live in the UK and have just watched Telstar for the first time and, as one of those pig ignorant people who commits unspeakable sin of not watching any telly, I didn't notice that it was stuffed full of TV actors. I thought it was great. Who is Jimmy Carr?

Who would you have 'funding' British films? And isn't it curious that in Britain we expect our films to be 'Funded' rather than being 'invested in'. Almost as if there was a tacit admission there was no chance of getting your money back - let alone (gasp!) making a profit!

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"Look! - it's the Invisible Man!"

Jimmy Carr is a comedian who, though many find him funny, I would venture not many people actually like.

I did say "fair play" to Simon Jordan for funding the film; I have no issue with him putting money up for it, only issues with him. I wish more people would follow his example.

I'd much rather have that model of film financing than a quango led UK Film Council style funding system - we need a sustainable industry, not one where when government support is taken away, the loudest voices protesting are precisely the ones who shouldn't need assistance to get their films made.

But I doubt we will see anything approaching that until we get the distribution and marketing of films sorted (where I would welcome government intervention), and stop concentrating largely on film production. If you show that it's a worthwhile investment (which Telstar wasn't) people will queue up to fund British films.

NutNut - I'm enjoying your posts - your post mortem of 'Telstar' is spot on. Perhaps I'd go further and say that it is the most miscast film of the last decade and, yes, could have been far more cinematic with a tighter control on what we saw and the overall tone.
In saying that though, Joe Meek is a fascinating subject and the makers deserve a little kudos for venturing to make a movie, however hamfistedly, of his life - and for the Poussin-esque tableau created whn the bailiffs move in on Joe at the end and let the light in.

Let's face it - this film is an unmitigated disaster. A character like Joe Meek should be a gift to a filmmaker. As it is, we get a sprawling, incoherent mess (with diabolical acting performances) that completely fails to evoke either the motivations of the central character or the atmosphere and mores of the times that he lived in. (A film in which James Corden is the third-best actor after Kevin Spacey's dodgily-accented Major and the non-speaking (apparently Russian peasant) woman in the tour sequence indicates the general level of thespian accomplishment.) I'll admit that it faces some strong competition, but this is unquestionably the worst professionally-made, commercially-released film I have ever seen.

You sound like a vindictive pressed troll. Con O'Neill's performance is amazing and the attention to detail was great. I thought they did well with such a small budget.

It's always a good idea to stoop to personal abuse when you don't have an argument.

I could have produced a better film about Joe Meek with a mobile phone and a production budget of 2.50.

"An unmitigated disaster" and "sprawling, incoherent mess". That's great because it defines Joe Meek pretty well.

Do you really think so? Joe Meek was a remarkably clever sound engineer and producer who was responsible for some classic records. The fact that he was emotionally unstable and ultimately psychotic should not detract from this (even if it illuminates his creative personality), nor should it excuse a shoddy biopic.

"this is unquestionably the worst professionally-made, commercially-released film I have ever seen."
Then you must not see many films from the US.

I watch very few films made after about 1973, American or otherwise, because - and however slick they might or might not be technically - they're usually emotionally vacuous. Whatever the production values, this is a terrible film, any way you slice it. Why? Because the producers hired Kevin Spacey to do (apparently) an impersonation of Doctor Bombay from the original series of Bewitched, and because they have absolutely zero feel for the era they're trying to depict, however many props they might deploy.

Being a 'Yank', I'm not familiar with the people in the cast. However, Brit productions that we get to see across the pond here are usually high quality and the acting is outstanding. A majority of it I consider to be 'too good for TV' which is where I saw this (on 'Netflix'). I'm glad SOMEBODY put up the money to make a film about who (today) is an obscure character like Joe Meek. I remember when the 'Telstar' record came out and how new and different it sounded from anything we were used to.

I saw Cordon in The History Boys afore he was on TV.

He was a stage actor before, film and TV.

He had been in the likes of Hollyoaks, Boyz Unlimited, Fat Friends, Cruise of the Gods &c. before The History Boys.