The Family Stone : Do you think they overreacted about the gay comment from Meredith?

I don't understand why they got so upset. I mean, she obviously was only trying to say that gay people have it harder in society than straight people, which is true. Obviously she was saying it in the wrong way because she was nervous but they should of known that she wasn't trying to hate on gays.

Because they hated her stinkin guts before they even met her. This gave them the excuse they were looking for to give her more crap

Agreed.

They definitely did. I understood what she was trying to say, but they didn't really give her a chance to explain herself before jumping down her throat. She wasn't making her point very tactfully, but stillI think they were pretty terrible to her from the word go.

I initially ge/understand her first question regarding does being a deaf gay man in an interracial relationship affect the adoption process however when Diane Keaton's character TRIES to laugh it off that should have been the end of the subject but SJP's character kept going on and on and didn't realize or maybe she did but didn't feel that it was that bad of a question (I.e. that they already have so much hardships; deafness, gay, interracial) why bring a child into that hardship that was borderline wrong of her. I get that that is her opinion, but she didn't need to voice it at the dinner table. Not in front of Thad (the deaf guy's) parents nor in front of a little girl. She doesn't have to agree with their choices nor does she have to respect it but when people tries changing the subject several times that should have been her clue to shut up and keep her opinions to herself. It's not her house, that's not her family and it's not her life; she should have respected her boyfriend Everett enough not to insult his brother.

Not only did they overreact, but they deliberately did so just for the sake of attacking her (once again). They had apparently made up their minds to dislike her even before she entered the house (shame on the mother for laughing along with that overaged brat Amy when she told her the story of their first meeting, instead of telling her to behave herself and try to show respect for their guest, and by the way, get your filthy butt off the kitchen counter while you're at it!). What was particularly cringeworthy about that scene was the way everyone was so pleasant and polite to Meredith's sister Julie, after failing to show any friendliness to Meredith at all. So they weren't blind to their obnoxiousness after all; they could be nice when they wanted to be.

No, Meredith didn't need to voice her opinion, but the whole subject wouldn't
even have come up if her sister hadn't started asking the couple prying questions about the adoption in the first placewhat race of baby did they prefer, etc.
Why is that her businessit's not her house, her family or her life, either.
The mother didn't jump down her throat for asking such personal questions, because she didn't have it in for Julie. But the moment Meredith, assuming that she, like Julie, could play devil's advocate and ask probing questions, chimed in awkwardly, the mother swooped down on her broomstick and started peppering her with leading remarks, till an uncomfortable Meredith put her foot in her mouth, and then she and the usually docile father started screaming at her.

As for making remarks in front of the little girlthat little brat wasn't exactly an innocent cherub. She was already on her way to growing up to be an ill-mannered jerk just like her nasty Aunt Amy, as evidenced by her going into Meredith's things without asking and breaking her shoes and offering her no apology, so she obviously received no discipline from her fool of a mother.

As for respecting her boyfriendwhere was Everett's respect for her? Why didn't he stand up for her in front of his hostile, judgmental family and tell them that he was a grown man, he could marry whomever he liked, he didn't need
approval for his choice of spouse from his mommy or the idiot sister, and the least he could expect from them was that they treat his guest and potential wife with a minimum of cordiality?

By the way, I don't agree with Meredith's views and I'm a liberal. Maybe I hate this movie even more because of the way it panders to the liberal audience it seems to be trying to attract. On that level, it fails miserably. The whole family comes off as a bunch of hateful boors.


I'm not crying, you fool, I'm laughing!

Hewwo.

I agree with you tmaj - she should have stopped once they started deflecting and making jokes. She had the nerve to give her sister a hard time when she asked if they cared about the childs race.. but then she had the nerve to go on and on. I get it though, she was already nervous and felt she didn't fit in so she was 'trying to hard' as her new buddy Ben pointed out. We all do it sometimes. I remember being so uncomfortable when I met my first boyfriends family - 7 siblings I was so nervous and not myself, I took everything personally and .. couldn't relax because I had decided they didn't like me before they even met me (partly my bf's fault because he told me how much they loved his prior girlfriend.) Insecurity will do the strangest things to a person.

Anyway, I related to the movie in many ways.. and yes, I thought SJP did a good job of playing the uptight person.

Think about it though. Wouldn't you be mad at someone,anyone, if they thought and said out loud that your gay/deaf child wasn't normal? I would be a little pissed off. I get that they didn't like her from the start anyway but she wasn't really helping her case by saying any of that.

It's interesting to listen to SJP's voice over on the DVD regarding the scene. It wasn't only the fact that the family hated her, but to add insult to injury, the family loved Julie from the moment she walked in the door.

Meredith was not trying to make a point, but really, was only attempted to engage after Julie questioned if there was any preference as to the child's race, which was not only accepted, but was comforted for having asked the question.

Yeah exactly, I understood Meredith.

I'm gay and I wish I was born heterosexual a lot of the time.

In fact I felt the comment the Mother made about "trying to make her children gay" was much more offensive and patronising than anything Meredith said

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In fact I felt the comment the Mother made about "trying to make her children gay" was much more offensive and patronising than anything Meredith said

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I hadn't even thought of that. And what about the pathetic joke about the curtains - ridiculous stereotype! Because ALL gay men want to decorate. Sheesh. But she's allowed to say that without retribution. Bloody hypocrites!!

"Puss rules!"
"It's Pus"

I can understand what she was saying. Ask any parent if they would prefer their child to be gay or straight 99.9% will flat out say straight. Like most people will want their child to marry within their race. There is no bigotry or racism here, it's a fact that the vast majority of people will want their child to be straight and marry within their race.

I don't think it was appropriate for her to say anything though.

And yes the family were vile to Meredith, and the mom especially. No you may NOT give that beatch my mother's ring! What a cow.

Yep, 100 percent agree. Mere shouldn't have said it, but I got what she meant. Family of jerks.

Well put cherrypop. I'm gay, but wasn't offended by what Sybil said about secretly hoping her boys would all be gay. She was sort of taking a bit of license, putting a spin on what most parents feel about their gay children, secretly wishing they were straight, so I understood where she was coming from.

Furthermore, You see in no uncertain terms that she was terrible offended by the statement and to protect Thad, she was trying to make light of it, hoping the conversation would end.


I don't think the family were jerks, not at heart anyway. What did come across in the film to me is that they loved each other very much. It's not that they hated Meredith,(she was completely accepted by the family later, but for Ben), they just knew Everett was making a mistake trying to marry before his mother died and was marrying someone he didn't love.

If you're a fan of the film, I'd highly recommend buying the DVD. There are several on eBay with shipping for less than ten bucks, for it's worth buying just to listen to the narrative tracks. They're are two separate tracks, one with Parker and Mulroney and the other with the directors and combined there are tons of details that will probably make you like the film even more. Buy it and pull it out next December. That's what I do anyway.

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What did come across in the film to me is that they loved each other very much. It's not that they hated Meredith,(she was completely accepted by the family later, but for Ben), they just knew Everett was making a mistake trying to marry before his mother died and was marrying someone he didn't love.

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So because they, in their infinite wisdom, decided she wasn't right for Everett, that made it ok to be rude and unwelcoming?

Just shows how much class they lacked. If they had issues with that pairing, the appropriate way to handle it would have been to speak to Everett privately, not treat this poor woman like a pariah!

Ps they only accepted Meredith after she bought them a bunch of very thoughtful presents. Had she not done that, I'm certain she wouldn't have passed their 'test' or been good enough for Ben either.

"Puss rules!"
"It's Pus"

Oh Lordy.

I think I'm going to hold a big party this Christmas, invite all my IMDB buddies,(well a few might not get an invite, they're kinda nutz), so we can all get sauced on Egg Nog and watch the film.

That or send copies of the DVD to the naysayers with instructions to listen to the director's narrative reel. There's actually two narrative reals, the second being Parker and Mulroney in which Parker really defends Meredith's actions.

Point being, if you want to get the film, you have to get both sides and than look beyond the dialogue, for the majority of the story isn't spoken.

I see, people who don't agree with you don't understand the film? Bless

I 'get' the film. I also understand Sybil's concerns for her son, I just don't excuse rude, cliquey and unwelcoming behaviour.

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There's actually two narrative reals, the second being Parker and Mulroney in which Parker really defends Meredith's actions.

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I'm not surprised that SJP defends Meredith's actions - since that was the character she played

Had SJP defended Sybil's behaviour, it still wouldn't make what that family did nice or reasonable. I don't take my cues from actor's opinions, I'm perfectly capable of thinking for myself

Ps I should add I actually enjoy this film. I just don't like the way the family treated a guest in their home.


"Puss rules!"
"It's Pus"

Okay, you go girl!

I thought they totally overreacted. And, like you, I got her point that no parent really wants their children to have a harder time from society. However, Meredith should have dropped the subject when it started getting tense and she missed the clues.

Absolutely. Chills went down my spine, their reaction was so creepy. There was nothing wrong with her comment. Why would one wish for their child to be gay, especially for such stereotypical reasons? That's something different than not minding if you're child's gay. I would not have apologized, I would've pointed out how bigoted and hypocritical they were and gotten the hell out of there.

I definitely will be getting the DVD for commentary like the poster above suggested.

As to their reaction to her comment, I think the only one who overreacted was Sybil when she yelled "Oh go***mn you!" That kind of caught me off guard. I understand she's very protective of Thad but I didn't expect her to reach her boiling point so quickly. I understand what Meredith was trying to say, but she really was only trying to compete with her sister. And she made it worse with her "wouldn't you want your kid to be normal" comment, implying that Thad was abnormal. That would piss me off too. Kelly told her 3 to 4 times, very quietly and very politely, enough was enough. That it was starting to make people feel uncomfortable and it was best to leave it alone. But she kept on pressing, refusing to drop it, then the "normal" comment came and he put his foot down. She should have just said sorry, she meant no offense the first time around and moved on.

Meredith put her foot in her mouth and was trying to extract it. She knew the family would hold it against her and was trying to do damage control and failing. The family DID NOT WANT to accept her.

I have an SIL that my in-laws just adore and I'm kind of the Meredith. I just don't say anything any more because forget it, that's why.


"We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here and we want them now."

Her comment bordered on saying there is something wrong with being gay, when suggesting parents like the Stones are disappointed on learning they have a gay child.

The Stones asked her to let it be, and stop talking about it yet she wouldn't. How can you side with Meredith in these circumstances. She just kept going, long after realizing how uncomfortable she made Thad and his parents.

The Stones treasure Thad and love him just the way he is. There is no changing the way he is and The Stones don't need a stranger lecturing them on being gay could be caused by environment, especially in front of their gay son. Was ridiculous.

No, they didn't overreact. She just kept making it worse and digging herself deeper. You can only push people so far before they must put a stop to the misery and ignorance. imo


**~Not my circus, not my monkeys~**

To me, it was a bit of both. They did overreact because they already held a bias towards her; yet, she stepped further into quicksand without reading the room. She was utterly clueless.

While I love the movie, that scene is uncomfortable as hell.

I must warn you. I'm very susceptible to flattery.

Agreed with this.

**cArNiVaLs oF fAyGo**

Merediths questions about the gay gene and the nature vs nurture thing was pretty rude and weirdthe family let that go pretty well and then she kept rambling on about how could Sybil mean she wanted gay kids..it was really weird and awkward and a conversation she had no business talking about at dinner or at all with these people whom she barely knew, and who clearly did not like her. She insinuated that Thad was not normal whether she meant to or not..

Yes, the family did overreactI could understand how they'd be insulted and angry over her comments but they took it to the extremeActually, from the beginning they had it out for her because of awful Amy. They were all terrible to her except for Ben..and possibly the dad and Patrick.

For a family that seemed to pride itself on being outcasts and liberal and accepting of differences, they sure didn't accept her at all for being a little different

Amy was just terrible..she met her in NY first and said Amy didn't say one word to her the whole nice..for no reason. Meredith was probably a bit more stiff and uptight than Amy but Meredith was never rude. Amy was just a spoiled brat who had no manners.

Yeah, they could have given her the benefit of the doubt, but then she proved herself on the wrong side of the line by referring to a nongay child as a "normal child." Whoops.

The earlier mistake she made was assuming she would have as much leeway to be herself and say what she thinks as they do. It should be like that, but it never is. It's their house and their dynamic, and it's best to be cautious and keep your mouth shut.

I get why they got upset. Gay people aren't treated very well in society and I think that part of it was they were protective of their son and his feelings. But ultimately, they hated Meredith (unjustly) from the beginning and didn't give her a chance to explain. I totally got what she was trying to say, which was what you explained, OP.