Goofs : All time greatest clichés part 2

When tracing calls it takes a lot of time when in actuality just one second is needed trace the call.

Victims of American ignorance:
Brandon Teena
Lawrence King
Gwen Araujo

Whenever someone says in the last ten minutes of the movie, "If we do so and so, It just MIGHT work!" Of course, it always works, and of course, it's always a lame way to finish a movie where it is obvious that the writers couldn't think of a plausible way for the characters to get out of the situation.

For example, a character going back in time, or somebody pulling out a pocketknife to free themselves when this item was never introduced before.

Is that like the million in one chance tactic? You know the million in one maneuver that always works.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

But of course.

Everyone in all films can see perfectly under water! Even in the ocean, a muddy lake, etc!

Take that!

I hate the profound "I just now relized I love her/him" moments in love stories, that are always followed by some stupid dramatic scene, like running out of your job, instantly grabbing a cab, ordering the cab to speed thru every red light,the cab parking right at the front door, the person jumpa out seemingly without paying the driver, the cab driver wishing them luck with a big brassy smile, running thru an airport (no security checks), Instantly purchasing a $2000.00 first class ticket on the next out going flight, and catching the flight moments prior to the loved one boarding.

The "dedication" cliche -
A group or sports team of ragtags or underachievers or prisoners works through adversities and hardships only to come within hours, days, weeks of the final game or competition or whatever and inevitably the person who either inspired them or was the biggest screw up always dies of some tragic accident/ disease. So, when the big day comes, the day/ award/ victory is always dedicated to the dead person. OR, similarly, when hope is lost just prior to the big event, the main guy always says..."Let's do this for _____ ."

Another thing that gets old in movies is the Italian restaurant... the red checkered tablecloth w/ the wine bottle candle holder....it's as overdone as the Chinese takeout carton.
" If you've never seen an elephant ski then you've never been on acid." Eddie Izzard

In the buddy movie Die Hard With a Vengance (spoiler), Samuel L. Jackson (Zeus) gives McLane a quarter twice to call his wife in LA because he wanted him to patch things up. Even in 1995, a phone call from New York to LA cost way more than a quarter.


The first time, McLane starts shouting at his wife's associate to "accept the charges", but right before the credits roll, McLane puts the quarter his "buddy" gave him in the phone and it starts to ring like payphones do when you put quarters in them.


There's a real cliche for you.

People never dial a number and simply speak into the phone. Also it is like there is no dial tone because the recipient justs answers the phone instantly.

Heroes never run out of ammo unless there is a dramatic moment and then they run out.

Heroes that fall a great height and land on something flimsy like a trade stall and get up without a scratch.

Me fail English? But, that's unpossible.
http://www.cafepress.com/fjdesign/

I didn't read them all, so I may repeat one or two.
1.Biggest one is the morning after sex when the two lovers awaken and french kiss, and you know damn well their breath could knock a buzzard off a s hit wagon.
2.Anytime people are camping out in the open, fell asleep for whatever reason outside, when they wake up the next morning it is broad daylight...have you ever tried this? You'll be wide awake by six thirty guaranteed.
3. The villain sets the hero up for certain death, then leaves without watching him die, which he never does.
4. If there is a special government force they are always hiding something that doesn't really need hiding that badly, or they are just pure evil.
5. Peoples homes are, well, clean. There are clean tables and furniture and shelves with no DVDs or cassette cases or mail or "junk spread all over them.
6. When people jump in the car to drive away it takes them three seconds...no time for putting the key in the ignition, taking off the emergency brake, checking the mirrors, putting on the seat belt, adjusting the radio, putting the car in gear, just vroom!and they are gone in three seconds.
7.In a vampire or werewolf movie, it doesn't matter if they start out to the castle at seven in the morning and it is only a one hour drive...the sun will be setting by the time they pull up to face the monster.
8.In a monster movie, if a guy is by himself and he finds something vaudevillian, like a hat and cane, and starts carrying on with it, he will be dead within seconds.
9. When a car dodges a kid, or hits something, you can hear the breaks screaming and the car is out of control for like thirty seconds, even if they were only going 35 miles per hour...it usually ends with them either running off the road, damaging the car beyond mobility, getting stuck, or, of course, driving through the rail to their deaths.
Law? WHERE'S THE LAW NOW!!??!!-Burt Reynolds; Deliverance.

In superhero movies, the hero's costume will always be ripped and torn apart at least one time in the movie. It's either his costume will have a huge gash in the front, or his mask will be torn off (or he'll remove it himself) and his face will be revealed as he keeps fighting the enemy that's so much stronger than him.



I *beep* your mom. Twice.

This cliché is used to reveal a good or harmless character as an evil person. It typically happens this way. A low level tech/assistant, secretary, soldier, etc discovers something is amiss. He runs to the man in charge (our so far good or harmless character). The underling explains what is wrong and our guy gives a concerned look. Then he asks "does anyone else know about this?" The underling says "no, I wasn't sure who to trust so I came to you." And then...Bang/stab/club/*snap* the underling dies and the true villain is revealed.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

lol. That's so overused it's unbelievable. It was clever at first, but everyone uses it now.
"Does anyone know about this?" Of course, the first person they tell has to be the bad guy, but the hero figures it out anyways.

In the same theme as the above posting there is another cliché that is used to reveal a good or harmless character as the bad guy. The hero of our story is talking to good/harmless character in a back and forth discussion when the good/harmless character talks a bit too much and reveals a bit of information he should not know. Only the killer/attacker could know this! The hero's eyes go wide with understanding and the killer calmly reacts and his innocent act is dropped. His whole demeanor changes. He smirks and sometimes he even speaks more intelligently (because to pull off the trickery you need to be very smart).

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

A heroic character runs into to traffic and saves someone from being hit by a car by pushing them out of the way. The car just honks their horn, and keeps going the same speed. No attempt to brake or anything.

Someone falls off of a high area, and a character runs in slow motion to catch them (or breaks the character's fall in a comedy by the character falling on him).

I haven't read the posts after page 11, so I don't know if these were ever mentioned.

In horror movies, always the main male and female characters have a conversation in the middle of the night, and one of them [usually the female] express their fears about whatever's going on.

Why in all these romance movies does everybody clap when two people kiss? I am SOOO tired of that.

This is hell. Pure. Unadulterated. Hell.

I don't know how this always get over looked, but the villain always hold the world in ransom with some fiendish plot, and threatens to unleash his wrath if the govt. don't pay him gazillion dollars.

If the villain has that kind of power, why do they need money? They can just take what ever they want. I never understood that. Of course the villain always gets killed in the end.

Don;t know if anyone's said this but whats with every family movie ending with all the characters getting together for a dance party? Who unwinds from a major life event with a dance party? Not to mention i wonder how he invited all these people when he didn;t get some of their names and numbers or why they agreed to come to a total stranger's dance party

Also the romantic love story of they meet, then the girl catches something that looks but bad but is in fact innocent and perhaps even the right thing to do so she refuses to talk to him and won;t even listen to the story. But the only variation i wanna see on that is that the guy actaully did do what she thought he did with no if ands or buts....

How about in Sitcoms with a family at the end the husband and wife are sitting in bed and the wife says a sexual innuendo and then the husband jumps on her, and then black out.

Or people who get on a message board to name cliches but they're a little confused so they name stuff that happens in a movie that is just implausible and not neccesarily over used.

In any monster movie... the creature:

1. ...will reappear wherever it can cause the greatest damage to real estate and/or human life (see: Cloverfield).
2. ...will lay eggs/give birth (see: Godzilla 2000).
3. ...will invariably kill its corrupt "father"- the one who created and/or exploited it (see: Frankenstein; The Lost World).
4. ...will "learn" to overcome obstacles that would thwart it in an instant, and deal with them with no resistance or regard for logic (see: I, Robot; Jurassic Park).
5. ...will be killed, and then pitied (see: King Kong).
6. ...is not the only one of its kind (see: Cloverfield, Godzilla 2000).
7. ...can't be killed until the miltary shoots at it FOR-BLOODY-EVER (see: every monster movie ever).
8. SPECIAL COROLLARY-- In disaster films, the only man who can stop the disaster has a wife and kid(s) and must sacrafice himself, occasionally pushing a younger man (who may or may not be his daughter's love interest) out of harm's way. [see: Independence Day, Armageddon]

Sprechen sie Deutsch?

The callous businessman, foiled by the hero / angry at something, is shown ordering everybody out of his office, usually with the exact line, "everybody out!"

Also, whenever a character enters his bosses's office, he is either facing the other the way in his chair, or looking out the window. His back will always be turned to the character.

How's about the too numerous to count scenes where the bad guy/girl has the person they want to kill right in front of the barrel or has the blade right against their neck and then they have go into some drawn out explanation of something, thereby allowing the person who's scheduled to be terminated ample time to escape. I realize they must do this so the hero doesn't die, but hasn't anyone else shouted at their TV "just kill him, don't tell why you're going to." It seems that someone in rel life wouldn't care if the intended victim knew anything or not.

They won't open like today's doors where you pull or push them open. They will pull up into the wall or into the side. They may split vertically like elevator doors down the middle or they could even split in a diagonal. They will not split horizontally. Some may anticipate your coming and open for you or you might have to touch a button. There will be no locks unless it is an eye or palm scanner. Of course in the future this means criminals will have to remove your hand or eye to open the door instead of just stealing a key or picking a lock. So here's to the future of the door!

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

Sometimes it's a helmet though. This cliché sticks out hard. There will be a group of men and one of them is covering his face. They try to make it seem casual but it always turns out it is someone familiar to the audience. Usually it is meant to be a surprise: either a betrayal or part of plan the audience is kept in the dark about. Once in a while the person wearing the helmet is a beautiful woman who shakes her long silken hair like she is in a shampoo commercial as she removes the helmet.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

If there is one twin left, and the other one died at some point, you can guarantee that the remaining one has taken the identity of the one who died




Just because I live in London, does not mean I walk around with a bowler hat and an umbrella

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Once in a while the person wearing the helmet is a beautiful woman who shakes her long silken hair like she is in a shampoo commercial as she removes the helmet.

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That pisses me off. If you did that, you would have serious hat head, or your hair would be all messed up.

how come in courtroom scenes when the defense objects its always over ruled but the prosecution is always sustained.
check it out. its true.

syn sear

how come ben stiller never finishes a sentence and people always know what he's talking about anyway.

syn sear

how come the girls in horror movies always end up barely dressed by the end of the movies.

syn sear

They always end up in the rain, making so their boobs show through their shirt. Always wearing a white blouse too when this happens.

The evil female accompice is always in love with the main bad guy. There can never be an evil female bad guy that doesn't have a man behind her work.
Something about her will always be "cool" (as in something that 30 year old nerds who work in comic book stores would enjoy) like knowing karate, wearing solid blue eyeliner with sparkles, or having extraordinary weapons abilities (like jumping and firing with guns in both hands).
She always fights the hero to the bitter end, but the hero kills her. The main villain sees this and doesn't get enraged, but gets kind of sad. It's kind of like the hero just killed his pet hamster or something.

I don't know if it has been already said, but it bothers me when two people had sex the sheets are always kind of L-shaped. They cover the man only from the hips down while you can't even see the woman's breasts.

And who knew it could be so easy to kick down a locked door??

Whenever someone has a nightmare, they always shoot up and gasp.

The majority of hookers in films:

--look like they just stepped out of a beauty salon
--dress like they shopped at Frederic's of Hollywood
--are always friendly to each other
--are always chewing gum or smoking or both

None of them have

--visible sores from drug abuse
--missing teeth
--torn clothing from tricks that got rough

Plus when cops want some leads they ask the hooker for advice and she obliges. No tension between said hooker and cop, and the cop never arrests her.


I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

This continues to piss me off in every movie.

The bad guy in a movie gets hit with something, or knocked unconscious. Then, he is either shown to be waking up as the characters are running away, or somebody says, "he's moving!" Then they run away.

Also, with this idea, whenever somebody is supposedly killed in movies, they always unrealistically pop up at the last second, and the main character kills them again.

- Everybody can see underwater in movies. In real life, not one of my friends can, not my family, and neither can I. Not even in normal water.

Doug Roberts: What do they call it when you kill people?
The Towering Inferno

When necessary, a baddie will pull a fire alarm, but instead of just alarms, the water will start spurting out of 16 sprinklers on the celing throughout the building, waterlogging everything in all files. The next day, it's never mentioned of all the waterlogged documents at the business/police station/bank etc, and everyone acts like nothing happened.

A military person returns unexpectedly, doesn't phone ahead, doesn't write, simply shows up at the family's door, without a single clue to the family. The family is always at home, never out, even during the middle of the day on a weekday. Everyone is thrilled to see him, and moments later, the entire extended family is there celebrating his return. He never pays for the taxi that brought him (and the family) is always immediately ready with cash in hand.

Similar to above: detectives always show up unexpectedly at a possible witness' last known adress, and they are always still living there, 1, 10, or 25 years later. They want nothing to do with the police personnel, even if they police are helping to solve the murder of a loved one of the potential witness. Somehow the police convince them to let them in, and get the necessary info out of them to proceed with the 42 minute crime solving.


Garbage cans in an alley way are those metal ones with metal tops from the mid 80's and before. Nobody recycles anything.

The protagonist police detective seemingly is a witness/close by to more crimes in progress than any other person on the planet. He is always fully prepared to take down the perp, and this perp is never part of the main mystery of the plot of the movie/tv show.

Telephones never have answering machines (when we listen to them ring and nobody is there to answer) and if there happens to be a machine that answers, it gives the precise info as to what the caller needs to hear to understand/solve the problem/be part of the joke, etc. As if everyone who has a machine changes their message every single day.

Elevator doors that open showing the actors inside, always stay open as long as necessary to complete the dialog, 1 second, or 75 seconds, or longer. Nobody ever gets caught in the door, and if they close unexpectedly, a person get's left inside, not trying to get out.

Persons who hang themselves for suicide, always get discovered by a guardian angel, who sometimes happens to be their sworn enemy, but somehow that person saves them anyway.

No matter how much the cast of characters hate each other, they all show up at every single wedding/funeral/baby shower/birthday celebration/etc. Also, nobody ever is out of town too busy with personal committments or unaware, even if no invitations are sent out. Every birthday is remembered, including brand new employees, etc.

No employee ever resigns or quits, or is fired from situation comediy shows revoving around work. If they leave, it's because they're leaving the show.

In copy shows, whoever the main character is will have numerous trajedies happen to them, which never affects them mentally, and they continue to do their job without any down time. Bereavement leave is not an issue (more than 1/2 afternnon to attend a funeral). Finding the killer is top priority, and the victim's relative cop will be assigned to the case, but only after sufficient disagreement from the cops chief captain, who will eventually concede. The criminal will eventually be aprehended, though it might be a two parter, or a "season" of searching.

That's all I got right now. Great topic!!!
__________________
"I don't like white people. I hate red necks!" (Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours)

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Telephones never have answering machines (when we listen to them ring and nobody is there to answer) and if there happens to be a machine that answers, it gives the precise info as to what the caller needs to hear to understand/solve the problem/be part of the joke, etc. As if everyone who has a machine changes their message every single day.

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Which brings on the next cliché: The clingy guy who calls 1000 times, leaving constant messages on a girl's machine, and she never answers. It is often used for Comedic effect.

Also, when people call home in a disaster movie, they never give the other person enough time to talk. It's like:

"Hi Honey. Yeah, get out of the city and go to your mothers (another cliché)." If it's children, they're always going to their aunt's.

If you're a lawyer in any movie that involves character deaths, you're not going to survive.

Not so much anymore, but people biting the pin out of a grenade and tossing it over their head. First of all, your teeth would be broken, and if you threw a grenade like that, you would kill yourself and the people around you.

if there are more than one woman in a movie who is pregnant, they will both have their babies on the same day, and amazingly both end up in the same hospital. And despite the stress of having a baby, they'll both run into each other as they go through the hospital. Ohh, and it doesn't matter that the women are separated by weeks of conception. Just the fact that two (or more) are pregnant, will automatically mean they both give birth the same day (naturally of course.)

An extravagant wedding, planned for months/weeks in advance, will be cancelled on the day of, if there is any type of conflict, no matter how small, between the bride and groom. Nobody will make any comment about how asinine it is to "throw away a wedding" and all the costs associate with it. No complaints will be made by the person(s) who paid for the wedding, and if the wedding is "replanned" nobody will put up a fight, or create a scene, and act like it's the first time the wedding was put on. (I've seen at least 3 movies in the past 2 months alone, with this premise.)

Same idea: if a couple falls in love, and there's some type of reason that they must get married soon (1 month or less) there will be no problem, the wedding will be perfectly planned and super extravagant, and absolutely stunning. In real life, such a situation would mean a civil wedding or a small backyard gathering, etc. But a movie entails an extravagant occasion, with every single person known by the bride and groom, since birth, invited (and attending!)

__________________
"I don't like white people. I hate red necks!" (Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours)

Women screaming, kicking, choking their husbands, cursing them out, etc. when they are going into labor. My wife gave birth to four children and never did any of that.

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. -Muhammad Ali-

People who carry fragile items (usually coffee cups or fine china of some sort) often get surprised. It is not a "Boo! scared ya!" surprise but more of a "Oh My God! I thought you were dead!" surprise. Other topics that cause dropping of items may include: I'm your [fill in relation], I'm pregnant, or [fill in blank] is dead/alive. No matter which one is revealed the item being held will drop in slow motion and shatter on the floor.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

"why you son of a *KAPOW!*
"you can kiss my *SMACH*"
"oh FU*Train Whistle*"

There are lots of them. They can be interrupted by a gunshot, a punch, losing consciousness, or any loud noise.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

or Super women if wish. These girls are dainty with exposed midriffs and skin tight pants with unbelievable buttocks. The boobage can range from small to medium. There can be no big boobed tough girls though they might hoist them up in a wonderbra/sports bra for the "hey look at these!" look. The tough girls can outfight anyone with their flexibility and resourcefulness.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

Whenever the hero does something great, like killing all of the villain's henchmen, the bad guy comes out clapping sarcastically.

some poor shmoe decides to hide in a bathroom stall. There is usually a line of 5 or 6 of them. The hunter knows the person is in one of the stalls. So he starts at one end and starts kicking them in one at a time each time pointing his pistol ready to gun his prey down. This however does not always lead to the death of the running man. Sometimes the gunman is distracted by a noise and in that time the wouldbe victim can slip back under an already inspected stall.
Another variation can occur where we are led to believe the running man is in one of the stalls and the gunman kicks each on in looking for him. The gunman will not be distracted this time. So when he reaches the final stall we are sure chase is over. But no one is there. The runner has hid somewhere else in the bathroom: either behind the door or in a trashcan or even up in the ceiling.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

this death is usually resevered for really bad guys. He gets pushed out a window and fall upon a pointed fence or a pointed tombstone or pointed art or pointed [fill in the blank]. Whatever the object he gets it through the chest and we see his wide open eyes (surprise!) and mouth as he gives a silent scream.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

a person gets pushed or jumps or slips from a window or roof and lands smack dab in the middle of a car usually with confused on lookers gawking at him.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

"I think we lost them."
-BOOOOOOM- (or something to that extent)

Happens all the time...

Whether it be through magic or science there are somethings that are repeated when the subject of invisibility makes an appearance in a movie or a television show.
The illusion that someone is actually invisible must be established. There are a few things that are often repeated. 1) Footprints: they appear out of nowhere in mud, sand, and snow. 2) Movement: This often takes place with branches waving or doors opening. Occasionally someone will "bump" into the invisible person. A side story will also appear with someone who is very superstitious. He will be convinced of the existence of ghosts. The invisible person will then float pens or other objects in a way that makes the audience laugh at antics of the believer.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

This usually happens in science fiction or supernatural shows. A drop of blood is needed for some purpose (a cure or spell) and someone, tough guy soldier type volunteers. But instead of poking themselves in the finger with a pin they grab a huge knife and slice open their palm. Besides being one of the more painful places to cut yourself it would also be the most inconvenient places. But this wound never comes up again despite the fact they swing their swords or shoot their weapons.

...and if you disagree with me then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

http://www.sfsite.com/~silverag/ebert.html

http://www.amazon.com/Sure-Signs-Movie-Character-Doomed/dp/078688830X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231023266&sr=1-3

The majority of cliches I have read have been put down here. Ebert Also has a continuing segment when he does his "movie answer man" articles with a new cliche each week.

"I reject your reality and substitute my own"-Adam Savage