Sports : Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Alright, my n-words. I haven't done this the first two weeks because I didn't give a shit, but now I do, so here goes.

Thursday!

Plottsburgh Stillers vs. The Brownies of the Mirkwood - A compelling matchup of a rebuilding Steelers franchise vs a Browns team hoping to still be in the hunt when Deshaun "The Grabber" Watson returns from his suspension. Electric stuff, mayne. Luckily, these games are usually pretty fun and feature some throwback football play with a lot of helmets hitting opposing QBs in the head and people throwing beer bottles onto the field. Browns win.

Sunday!!

Nawlinsaints vs. Carole Baskin's Panthers - The battle of two former Heisman winners and #1 overall picks who were abandoned by the teams that drafted them. This Saints team actually looks decent. Winston has honestly looked pretty good since taking over for Drew Brees. Not great, but he's definitely not playing like he did in Tampa. Saints win.

Houston Texaints vs. Da Bears - The Texans have no business winning any games this season. They got their one non-loss of the season out of the way so all they have to do is worry about being able to get CJ Stroud or Bryce Young in the draft next year. The Bears actually… somehow… look like a competent football team this year. Still not great, but not the dumpster fire I was expecting… so far. Bears win.

Chief Patrick Mahomes vs. Indianapolis Dolts - Boy fucking howdy, man. This Colts team is 0-1-1. Incredible. Meanwhile, the Chiefs have something that they've never really had in September the past few years: a defense. Having that means that Mahomes isn't required to go Super Saiyan during September anymore and can just ramp up his play for the final two months of the season. Chiefs win.

Buffalo's Bill vs Miami Lolipophins - I'm going to completely ignore the Bills for this prediction. This Dolphins team, man. Holy shit they look gewd. Tua is the Tua that many people were hoping to see when he got to the NFL… myself included. I honestly pegged him for the next Dan Marino and he's been playing like that this season so far (it's just week 3, Rocket). Mike McDaniel is my pick to win Coach of the Year. Also… Dolphins win.

Detroit Lionesses vs. Minnesota Icky Vickies - The Vikings are back to being a playoff team… maybe. I have to reckon the Lions won't be as snake bitten this year as they were last year. Honestly, this Lions team looks like one of those teams that'll wreck someone's season. Dan the Man Campbell is the greatest Chad the NFL's ever seen. But the Vikings are a better team still… so… Vikings win.

Bulletmore Rayvens vs. New Robert Englund Puttriots - The Patriots are regressing to the mean this season. They are NOT the team they were last year that somehow go into the playoffs despite being a team made up of guys that I can't even name. The Ravens, however, have probably the 5th best QB in the league in Lamar Action Jackson. Dude's evolved as a passer and hasn't lost any of his ability as a runner. Ravens win.

Chincinnati Bungles vs. The New Jersey Guts - The Bengals are 0-2. Oh and two. Dafuq is this shit? The Jets should be a better team than last year (I will not give them credit for their win against the Browns) but they aren't going to beat this Bengals squad under any circumstances. Got it? Bengals win.

Lost Ve Gus Fring's Raiders vs. Tennessee Titties (Anna) - The Titans are – through these first couple of weeks – a shell of their former selves. Haven't really paid attention to them at all so I haven't been able to diagnose whatever their ailments are, but they definitely don't look like last year's #1 seed in the AFC. They look like a team that'll win the division only because the rest of the division is trash. Incredible. And the Raiders… well… they're also pretty disappointing so far. Have to imagine that'll all turn around for one of these teams this week, though. Titties win.

Phillie Iggles vs. The Commies - Philly wins. Easily.

Jaxonville Jugulars vs. Los Angeles' Redheaded Stepchild, the Chargers - Justin Herbert needs to get a tattoo on his forehead that just says "It". You know why? Because the dude's got "it". He's a future first-ballot Hall of Famer. He's got all of the tools a QB needs to have a remarkable career. The only problem? He plays for the Chargers. Oof. This Jags team got lucky blanking the Colts. They will not stop Herbert. He will will his team to be up by a field goal in the final minute of the game only to watch as the Chargers snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Chargers win?

Los Angeles' other Redheaded Stepchild, the Rams vs. Kyler Murray - I despise Kyler Murray. He represents all that is wrong with Millennials (my generation). Rams win.

Atlanta Vulcans vs. Seattle Seacucks - I really am glad I don't have to watch this game between two teams who only have one or two quality players. Eww. Seacocks win.

Greenby Puckers vs. Tom Brady's Farewell Tour - I don't remember what Ay-ay-ron's record against Tom Brady is, but I'm pretty sure it's not good. Luckily he gets to face a Buccs team that doesn't really inspire much hope. But… then again… the Packers don't really look all that good this year either. This, my friends, is a toss up! Packers win.

Trey Lancelessisco Ninners vs. Carol Danvers' Bronchitis - Thank God Jimmy G didn't end up leaving the 49ers. But… also… too bad for them. He could do enough to get them into the playoffs, but once they got there, it's really anyone's guess how he'd do. As for the Broncos, so far they've been a colossal disappointment. The coaching staff seems to be really hesitant to let Russell Wilson do any of that "cooking" he was doing in Seattle. Idk why. Broncos win but only because Jimmy G finds a way to shoot the Niners in the foot worse than the Broncos' coaches do for their own team.

Monday!!!

Dallas Cowgirls vs. New Jersey Jintz - Don't look now, but the Giants are 2-0 . The Cowboys also pulled off getting a victory against the reigning AFC Champions. However, both teams are still staring a 5-12/6-11 season in the face regardless. Who honestly has any confidence in either team? Can we stop having these two franchises get primetime games until either can be consistently good? Fuckin Cowboys win I guess.

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

I only read this because you made it and

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Thank you kindly, ma'am.

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

You're welcome 😊

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3



A Saturday night special is an EVERYDAY special.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Gotta remember to watch Sunday. Changing that shit if the Saints suck. I have enough disappointment in my life these days.

ᴳᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ʸᵒᵘʳˢᵉˡᶠ

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Plottsburgh Stillers vs. The Brownies of the Mirkwood - A compelling matchup of a rebuilding Steelers franchise vs a Browns team hoping to be in the hunt until Deshaun "The Grabber" Watson returns from his suspension. Electric stuff, mayne. Luckily, these games are usually pretty fun and feature some throwback football play with a lot of helmets hitting opposing QBs in the head and people throwing beer bottles onto the field. Browns win.

The Browns deserved better against the Jets. I was shocked to see the special teams fall apart.

“There are no atheists in foxholes, eh?”-Keith Jennings from the Omen.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

It wasn't the special teams. It was the defensive strategy during the Jets' final drive that killed the Browns.

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

For real, tho…

Let's drop the safeties and cornerbacks back in deep zone coverage to prevent big chunk plays and/or touchdowns while leaving Jets receivers open to catch the ball five yards out from the line of scrimmage and let them run for enough yardage to get a first down and then some.

First downs? Not a problem; forget about it. Doesn't matter that they have plenty of time to go down and score while doing this dink and dunk shit. As long as we don't give up big chunk yards, we're golden.

<– Not impressed with the Browns' defensive scheme eyes

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3



My password is password

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3



Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

QB rating 73.1

Ranked 29

…just below Mitch "Trubl" Trubisky's 76.1




My password is password

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

Despite the fact that I'm a Steelers and Browns fan and shouldn't care that you dare besmirch the name of Joe Shiesty… you best sit your five-dollar ass down before I make change. Burreaux is Tom Brady with swag, bruh. Clutch, ice in his veins, cannon of an arm, able to make great reads under pressure, etc. He'll fuckin show up wearing some boss outfit with shades on and then wreck your team's shit. He's what Cam Newton wishes he was.

I will not allow such slander to go down in my thread. Oh Lord, let this nonbeliever be shown the way. Amen.

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me.

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

…and speaking of Tom Shady, I mean Slim Shady, no wait I mean Joe "Blingity" Burrows…


https://filmboards.com/board/p/20861639/permalink/#p20861639




but seriously, thought Cin was going to be KC's nemesis this season
we shall see but the outlook aint so good

My password is password

Re: Rocket Predicts NFL Games: 2022 Season: Week 3

KC-IND
BUF-MIA
LV-TEN
BAL-NE
CIN-NYJ
PHI-WSH
DET-MIN
NO-CAR
HOU-CHI
JAX-LAC
GB-TB
LAR-ARI
ATL-SEA
SF-DEN
DAL-NYG
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