Books : Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Example:

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,
We are returning your manuscripts for As You Like It and Much Ado About Nothing. We didn’t and it was.


Dear Mr. Roget,
We are afraid your submission was long-winded, verbose, voluminous and excessive.




Dear Mr. Clarke,

We find your views on the advancement of human spaceflight and computer technology to be pessimistic, and fear that your novel will be very badly dated by the time the titular year comes to pass.

Perhaps try setting it in the nearer future, or if you insist on setting it in the next millennium for aesthetic reasons, show the technology that would more realistically have been achieved in that far off date.

Thank you for your submission, and we hope you take these gentle critiques to heart,

Chief Editor, Hutchinson & Co.

P.S. In light of possible movie adaptations, please consider changing the setting to a location that can be more easily created by a special effects team.

Smile and pass it on :)

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Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Donna,

Your work is childlike and crude, akin to that of a retard. Please stop. The internet doesn't want you. Never has, never will. Just stop trying. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely, The Internet.

The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

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Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Green vagina ooze

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

I have never jerked off to your picture.

The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Mr Brown,

We are rejecting your novel, as yours ideas about Jesus and Mary Magdalene are too far-fetched.

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Mr Twain.

Go suck a dick

yours sincerely, who ever the fuck.




Yeah, I dont like to mince words.

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We are returning the manuscripts for your Twilight series after having discovered that each book only averages around 20 pages after removing all instances of when someone “rolled their eyes”.

Also, you are a technically horrible writer and your work does not meet our standards for excellence.

Yours truly,

Troma Publishing House

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Mr King…

nah pish


Alba gu bràth

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Ms Blyton,
Although we thoroughly enjoyed your stories for children, we feel that words such as "Golliwogs" and "Sambo" will not fly with future audiences.
Thank you for your interest, might we suggest you apply to our South African associates?

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

LOL
Those are good ones, Puff!
Good idea for some fun.

Dear Mr. Grisham,
We know for a fact that the media savvy public, which includes movie goers, are not going to have any interest at all in dramatic and thrilling adventures that have anything at all to do with lawyers and courtroom drama.
To make ourselves clear and to remove any question of what we mean, let me put it to you in the following joke.

What do you call 100 lawyer authors at the bottom of the river?
A good start!

Good day and good luck to you sir.


Our dear Mr. Shakespeare,
We feel that your script is nothing but a bombastic bore that no one in the English speaking lands will ever be able to understand.
We want plays that are direct and to the point.
Not some flowery language that is impossible to follow.

Good luck in your playwriting career choice.
Thou dost will need it!

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Thank you. I've enjoyed all these and came here because I just thought of one



Mr. King,

While your novels of the supernatural and horror lead the best-sellers list, we frankly find the subject of your latest submission, Rage 4, to be so preposterous as to be unmarketable.

Let my editorial team be clear: No one in their right mind would expect a normal teenage boy to bring a rifle to school with the intention of shooting teachers and students, and no one would believe a story based upon such a premise, much less invest their hard earned dollars in such a book. It is easier to believe a small backwoods Maine town gets taken over by vampires without anybody knowing than this latest wild, and frankly irresponsible, idea of yours.

To this end, we cannot publish this under the Stephen King moniker as it would result in a negative impact to our corporate brand, and suggest you… if you insist on releasing this silly piece of dreck… use a pseudonym instead.

With regrets,

Simon & Schuster

Smile and pass it on :)

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Ms. JK Rowling,

Your ideas of a child turning into a wizard just will not fly!
There is no magic formula to turn this book into a winner!
Hocus pocus this book will bomb!

Children are interested in only two things right now.
Dinosaurs and zombies.
Therefore we suggest that you write a book based on zombie dinosaurs.
We are sure that this will not only be a hit with the kids for reading but for movies too.

When you get that manuscript back to us then we shall proceed.
Until then,
Don't be a witch and have a nice day!

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Mr. Lennon and Mr. McCartney,

We have looked over your songs that you wish to copyright through us and we just do not feel like there is going to be enough interest for anyone else who will want to cover this gibberish.
For example, there are only seven days in a week and not eight.
Any fool who sits on a hill would know that.

She loves you. So far so good.
But why the repeated, "Yeah, yeah, yeah," when just one, "Yeah," will do.
(Silly stuff. May as well have written, "Goo, goo, ga joob.)

"Please, please me."
What does that even mean?
We have tried so hard but we just cannot imagine.

Just what are you lads trying to do with songs like these?
Start a revolution?
Well, you can't do that with this!
You will be nothing but nowhere men.
Unlike Sgt. Pepper who was a great song writer.
Trust us when we say we know what we are talking about because baby, we are rich men.

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

I think this one is the best. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them all though but I haven't been able to come up with anything in a week.

Smile and pass it on :)

Re: Write a rejection letter to a famous writer

Dear Doctor Seuss (if that is your real name),

We are returning your manuscript as it contains numerous occurrences of racism and sexual innuendo that our publishing company does not support. In addition, the illustrations of your characters are clearly meant to resemble many of the aging Hollywood celebrities who have undergone plastic surgery, and we are not willing to deal with the legal ramifications of this.

Sincerely,

Mr. Somebody, Book Publisher
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