Kingsman: The Secret Service : Anyone else think that the cut anal sex joke was HILARIOUS?

The joke got a huge laugh, and, in it's sophomorific, riffing on the end of every James Bond film way, was somewhat sophisticated (sadly, I'm not sure about the exact dialogue, since I can't watch the original version anymore on my HD download)I'm going to describe the joke in a way that hopefully explains why I think it's so bleepin' funny

Dapper British gentleman-spy in the middle of saving the world comes across an imprisoned Princess.

Princess: "Get me out of here."
Spy: "Oh, you're that Swedish princess who went missing."
Princess: "Yes"
Spy, all suave and gentlemanly: "I've always wanted to meet a Princess. If I save the world, can I have a kiss?"
Princess, totally casual, almost off-hand: "If you save the world, we can do it in the *beep*
Spy, suddenly looking a little like the young, probably sexually inexperienced man that he is, but still (barely) maintaining his gentlemanly composure: "I'll be right back."

And then the true punchline is right after killing the bad guy and saving the world, as if it's been on his mind constantly throughout the final fight, with a sense of urgency equal to stopping the death of millions, Eggsy is grabbing two champagne glasses and a bottle and running, not walking, back to that cell.

Sorry, all ye offended. That's a great joke. Eggsy's youth, combined with the simple misdirection of the old fashioned, "Can I have a kiss, Princess?" and the modern ultra-worldly European woman's response, "We can do it in the *beep* and Eggsy remembering his training from Harry, asking her permission at the door, "Can I come in?" maintaining his composure but also acting like a horny teenagerit's perfect. And in an R rated movie with plenty of gore and hundreds of F bombs, I find it rather sad that it was cut. I think it was one of the funniest jokes in the movie. Perhaps I'm the only one who got it

it was not cut in the blu ray rental copy i watched last night? i didn't think it was all that funny, butt sex is a normal thing here in the states.

edit: it seems like 2 possibilities: 1. it is edited in other countries 2. the pirated versions circulating the internet right now are of the edited versions.

Common and normal are not the same thing

That sounds like you're thumping a bible?

"Normal" is whatever has been "common" for one generation.

Good and evil, normal and abnormal have to be based on something to have any meaning. The universe has no built-in "right" or "wrong", whatever is "common" for a generation becomes the new "normal". Each new generation has its own set of "normal" beliefs. The older people from the previous generation will usually cling to the former generation's view of "normal", while the new generation will believe the previous generation to be "abnormal" ("old-fashioned").

Whatever the current majority are comfortable with is considered normal.

That said, it will take some more time before anal sex is considered normal in the USA, as most of the older population still considers it to be abnormal, while most of the younger population considers it common and normal.

The only way past this is if you apply some sort of arbitrary moral judgement upon other people, such as various religions that claim anal sex or homosexuality are "unnatural" and therefore "immoral" and "abnormal" (incidentally, homosexuality can't be unnatural when thousands of social species in nature practise it). The problem with using an arbitrary religion to dictate "normal" is that people will do whatever people will do, religions don't get to prevent people from making up their own mind about what is "normal" to them. Normal is whatever has been familiar during your life. Abnormal is something different from that.

If you weren't coming from a religious morality perspective about homosexuality, and were only referring to the physical act of anal sex (such as with a married couple), then most of the above still applies. At which point you would need to question how vaginal sex is not dirty and anal sex is, when both are having sex with the opening where human waste products are expelled, and both body parts can easily be washed with warm soapy water

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At which point you would need to question how vaginal sex is not dirty and anal sex is, when both are having sex with the opening where human waste products are expelled,

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Are you talking about urine or blood? Because urine is expelled from the urethra, a separate opening from the vagina, which is where the penis goes. Blood does come from the vagina, once a month only.

Straight people enjoy butt sex too. Open your mind bro

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"That sounds like you're thumping a bible?

"Normal" is whatever has been "common" for one generation.

Good and evil, normal and abnormal have to be based on something to have any meaning. The universe has no built-in "right" or "wrong", whatever is "common" for a generation becomes the new "normal". Each new generation has its own set of "normal" beliefs. The older people from the previous generation will usually cling to the former generation's view of "normal", while the new generation will believe the previous generation to be "abnormal" ("old-fashioned").

Whatever the current majority are comfortable with is considered normal.

That said, it will take some more time before anal sex is considered normal in the USA, as most of the older population still considers it to be abnormal, while most of the younger population considers it common and normal.

The only way past this is if you apply some sort of arbitrary moral judgement upon other people, such as various religions that claim anal sex or homosexuality are "unnatural" and therefore "immoral" and "abnormal" (incidentally, homosexuality can't be unnatural when thousands of social species in nature practise it). The problem with using an arbitrary religion to dictate "normal" is that people will do whatever people will do, religions don't get to prevent people from making up their own mind about what is "normal" to them. Normal is whatever has been familiar during your life. Abnormal is something different from that.

If you weren't coming from a religious morality perspective about homosexuality, and were only referring to the physical act of anal sex (such as with a married couple), then most of the above still applies. At which point you would need to question how vaginal sex is not dirty and anal sex is, when both are having sex with the opening where human waste products are expelled, and both body parts can easily be washed with warm soapy water"

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This is your philosophical belief, that there is no absolute morality. Ironic that people who don't believe in absolute morality are quick to preach about being "tolerant" or "open-minded" as if these are virtues. If there is no absolute morality, then people should be free to be as intolerant and judgmental as they want to be. After all, there is no absolute morality, so people can accept or condemn whatever they wish. Very few moral relativists, I find, truly accept the full implications of their own beliefs, because they preach morality as much as anyone else.

That said, a man reaps what he sows. This is a principle built into the universe than anyone can see. For every action there are consequences. Immoral actions produce destructive consequences. A society can say, "Well, the majority wants this to be accepted." And it can work hard to mitigate the consequences of an immoral behavior so that the consequences become tolerable. When we succeed at this we can claim to be achieving "social progress." The fact that we have to mitigate the consequences of our behaviors proves that we are engaged in self-destructive behaviors.

So if you don't like words like "wrong" or "immoral" or "sin" or whatever. Fine. Call it "destructiveness." After all, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. It doesn't matter what you call immorality. Choose your term. It doesn't change what it is. Humans continue to engage in behaviors that are destructivephysically, emotionally, and psychologicallyand the fact that we accept these behaviors and say they are okay does nothing to alter the consequences. This is why the human condition will not improve. Because, when it comes down to it, we don't want to. We want to do what we want to do. Screw the consequences (or we'll just take a pill to feel better).

It is exactly the same thing. the definition of normal is something that is accepted by majority and thus common to be considered a default.


Applied Science? All science is applied. Eventually.

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, butt sex is a normal thing here in the states.

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Can you please come and explain that to my wife.

Sure. I just need a bottle of wine or margarita mix (depending upon her preference), some lube, a "toy" for her to use on her front side and I'll make sure she enjoys it.

It wasn't editied out of the theatrical release in Australia

I wouldn't say it was all caps funniest thing ever. But I also wouldn't say it was cut because it was on the version I rented from redbox last night.

But it was funny.

What am I gonna do with a gun rack?

In the version I rented from Red Box, not only was the joke not cut, but at the end there was a couple of seconds of the princess's naked rear end, with a somewhat shadowed view between her legs of her vagina. Actually, I'm not sure how they got by without an NC17 rating.

At any rate, I can't remember the words exactly either, but the following is somewhat closer than the OP:

Eggsy: If I get you out, can I have a kiss? I've never kissed a princess before.
Princesss: If you get me out, I'll give you more than a kiss.
Eggsy: Right after I save the world
Princess (in an excited voice): If you save the world, we can do it in the a$$hole. (And really, with her Swedish accent, and the excitement in her voice, the way she said "a$$hole" was the funniest part of the joke.)

I do think it was funny, but for a different reason than the OP. The princess seemed like she really wanted it in the a$$. She seemed more the "horny teenager" than Eggsy to me. Typical beautiful princess, locked up in her ivory tower, protected from the outside world to the point that she is denied the experiences most young women get to have in every-day, non-royal life. When she gets this opportunity, she intends to take full advantage of it.

That or she's always been a slut. Either way, funny as hell.

I had the same interpretation as you. well written.


Applied Science? All science is applied. Eventually.

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And then the true punchline is right after killing the bad guy and saving the world, as if it's been on his mind constantly throughout the final fight, with a sense of urgency equal to stopping the death of millions, Eggsy is grabbing two champagne glasses and a bottle and running, not walking, back to that cell.

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Of all the anti-James-Bond jokes in the movie, that was the funniest to me. Running to get his "reward" is about as un-Bond as you can get.

Guess I'm just as immature as I am jaded.

Also, if you check the trivia section:

At the end of the film Eggsy asks for the code to enter the cell holding Princess Tilde. Merlin gives him the code '2625' which if typed into a phone keypad would spell 'anal'.

George Miller: Witness my movie!
Audience: Mediocre!

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Also, if you check the trivia section:

At the end of the film Eggsy asks for the code to enter the cell holding Princess Tilde. Merlin gives him the code '2625' which if typed into a phone keypad would spell 'anal'.

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Awesome haha, I didn't notice that

"I'm the ultimate badass,you do NOT wanna f-ck wit me!"Hudson,Aliens

it was stupid.

it was stupid indeed.

You mean stupid like you both?

did you think the oral sex with a decapitated head scene in High Tension was stupid too?
Because High Tension was WAY More sexist than this movie So you are just one huge hypocrite then?

It seemed to come "out of left field", I found it completely unexpected.
The accent of the princess added to the "joke" because it accentuated the key word in her offer.
Also, a nice rear view.

Same here. I don't object to that kind of line on general principle, but it had the effect of a needle pulling across a record in this case. "Yeah, he's gonna save the world . . wait; what did she say?" And the "rear view" was, as you say, "nice," but in a movie with none of that stuff, to throw it in just before the credits roll is more like a frat-boy practical joke than a smart choice to send everyone home.

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I have meddled with the primal forces of nature and I will atone.

the version i just watched did not have an anal sex joke or the flap shot alluded to above. probably for the best though; i don't think that joke adds anything and several people have commented that it took them out of the film.


on a practical level, this princess was imprisoned for weeks without having had any anal sex or butt training and she can just take it up the arse and not experience excruciating pain? that has got the be the most unrealistic part of the plot!

I wish people saying it was cut/wasn't cut included which country they viewed it from.

I just purchased the US version and am not sure if I'm getting the cut version or not. Kinda irritating if it is when it wasn't cut in the theater. My friend rented it on DVD and said it wasn't cut but he heard the bluray copy was >.>

I guess I'll see.

only seven seconds are cut i believe

1. special sauce that Eggsy would have added for the boys in "classic army technique" style :P

2. the Princess offering *beep* instead of kiss if Eggsy saved the world

3. and the butt shot :P



http://myimpressionz.tk

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on a practical level, this princess was imprisoned for weeks without having had any anal sex or butt training and she can just take it up the arse and not experience excruciating pain? that has got the be the most unrealistic part of the plot!

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Logical explanation - She could have been participating in anal sex for a while before her kidnapping. Learning to relax and not experience pain during anal sex wouldn't be affected by the amount of time she was kidnapped. And to be technical, plenty of spit would help lol.

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Learning to relax and not experience pain during anal sex wouldn't be affected by the amount of time she was kidnapped

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i'm not sure it works that way. that's now how my body works anyway!

can i make a request? you try abstaining from anal sex for weeks/months, even though you had been doing for years beforehand, then have a go. let me know if it's a pain free experience. i suspect you're gonna need more than spit!!

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i don't think that joke adds anything and several people have commented that it took them out of the film.

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eh? its near enough the last line!


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fin

I thought it was the funniest thing in otherwise humorless and dull exercise in CGI. Awful, awful film.

http://www.youtube.com/user/viclis11?feature=mhee

It was pretty funny..

Awful awful you,go away troll!

I thought it was great.

It seemed to come out of left field, pretty random, but okay with me.

I read some review were people were offended by it. Apparently it was bothered viewers more than countless people being shot and stabbed to death.

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It seemed to come out of left field, pretty random, but okay with me.

I read some review were people were offended by it. Apparently it was bothered viewers more than countless people being shot and stabbed to death.

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LOL, crazy, right? It didn't bother me either. This movie was awesome!

"I'm the ultimate badass,you do NOT wanna f-ck wit me!"Hudson,Aliens

The only thing that lets Kingsman down are a few badly placed laddish jokes. This gag didn't work for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-toilet humour, but I felt it was mis-judged.

It could have worked better and been funnier if when he got back to the cell there was no way to open it.either that or when he got into cell she was standing there with a strap-on and bottle of lube and said "I'm ready.bend over" LOL.

Damn, on my digital version from the interwebz, she said something like "if you , we can do a lot more", or something lame like that.

And Merlin only sees her starting to turn on her back, fully clothed, before he closes the screens and ends the movie.

Are those 7 seconds worth a rental?

Those seconds aren't worth a rental; in my opinion, obviously. Instead of "we can do a lot more" she says "would you do in the "beep"?" and later, her (anyway excellent) butt is shown with a somewhat shadowed view between her legs of her vagina (as someone in this thread correctly noticed).
I don't understand why filmakers keep inserting gratuitous (absolutely not necessary) nudity and sex in their movies while today with 2 or 3 clicks you can find on the web thousands (pardon, millions) of whatever. However, the joke wasn't bad.

PS
I didn't know this movie was rated R; in Italy it's for all audience, and I don't think has been cut.

The full dialogue does indeed include your line. From the top, it goes:
Princess: "Get me out of here."
Spy: "Oh, you're that Swedish princess who went missing."
Princess: "Yes"
Spy: "I've always wanted to meet a Princess. If I save the world, can I have a kiss?"
Princess: "If you save the world, we can do a lot more."
(pause) "Can you do it in the a**?"
Spy: "Yes. I'll be right back."

Yeah, the original line as said by Vaughan was in the trailer, she just responds with: "I'll give you more than just a kiss". I'll be right back.

But Vaughn had to fight hard to keep that line in there. I honestly thought they were going to mess around at the end, like as soon as the door was open the princess was going to jump out and then pretend like she never said what she did before, or maybe when the door closed they got locked in again by accident.

It was quite a jarring line, even for me.

absolutely. her ass is so soft and so round an so plump and so delicious and so hot. and she even shows her pussy and she is bent over when all this is shown.

These scenes aren't cut in the iTunes release of the movie.

It seems a little puerile and sexist, until you realize that it's social commentary. All those gender-stereotyped movies of days past where the hero rescues and gets the girl in the end? They all had the same message. Women are merely prizes to be won, and the only reason for men to perform good and heroic deeds is to get in some woman's pants. Kingsman pokes satirical fun at this trope. It's really blatant in-your-face satire, and people still don't get it.

That's because people want to seem smart on the internet even if they are dumber than a boot but I'm glad here are still some actual functional brains out there who get satire! :)

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It's really blatant in-your-face satire

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And therein lies the problem. Blatant satire is the worst kind. If any of you pseudo-intellectual half-wits had even an inkling of literary pedigree, your pallette for this sort of thing would be for the better.

Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.

I think it goes without saying that blatant is not a kind or approving word. That's exactly why I chose it. My point is that even though the satire is so blatantly obvious, it appears to have been lost on most posters in this thread. Unlike you, they don't criticize this scene for not taking a more subtle approach, but instead mistake it for an extreme version of the very trope it satirizes. With this kind of audience, it's no surprise that Hollywood writers don't bother with subtleties and instead use the big wooden mallet to try and get their point across.

I laughed wildly because it was so unexpected. The theatrical version she said "butt____" the RedBox Blu Ray she said, "ass____" I thought butt____ was funnier, more playful.

I am almost an Atheist. The Bible IS fiction. The Bible and religion has nothing to do with some of us thinking "butt sex" is gross and probably harmful to one's health.
I also think any of you who think you're really cool to have butt sex are borderline gay. ( Not that there is anything wrong with that)
I prefer to be healthy. Sex is a lot more than just trying real hard to find a bunch of perverted and damaging ways to do it! You are desperate if you need to do it up the butt to get your thrills. Ugh.
I still say that "normal" people don't like "butt sex.

Maybe the joke in the movie seems to be funny to some of you but the subject of butt sex isn't.
I am recording the movie and something tells me I won't be laughing when I watch it.