Humor : Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Make up your own election conspiracy theories

An open window with a strong wind caused 1,000 ballots in GA to blow away.

A rat chewed threw the wires on several voting machines in WI. Hundreds of ballots are now stuck in the machines forever and they won't be counted.

The same rat also peed on some ballots, smudging the ink and rendering them illegible.

Thousands of ballots in MI couldn't be read after a vote-counter got spaghetti sauce all over them.

Poll workers in AZ handed out "invisible ink" pens to several voters.

Due to toilet paper shortages, polling places in three states had to use ballots as toilet paper. Unfortunately, the ballots were used as TP before those votes were counted.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Trump and Joe Biden having a secret death match in White House, in the Oval Office. Not to mention, all the secret services agents.

If I get pulled over, it better be a gay policeman riding on a unicorn.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Death match? Why not just mud wrestle?


(Somewhere out there, Slatch's ears are tingling.)

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The deep state rigged the vote to keep Donald Trump from reelection because he represents the biggest threat to their half century long stranglehold on power.

Wait, that really happened.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Can anyone who believes there was voter fraud explain why only Trump's votes were affected, but not other republicans on the ballots? How did House democrats lose seats while "fake" votes still went to Biden?

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Because

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

I can't read anything after "Because." Did you type the rest in invisible ink?

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Censored by the deep state. Holy shit. I must be onto something.

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Your device has been penetrated. Quick, flush it down the toilet!

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

The reason House democrats lost seats while votes still went to Biden is because the Keebler elves sitting in warehouses in AZ, NV, MI, WI, PA, and GA were filling out fake ballots and only took time to fill in that one oval next to Biden-Harris.

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Snap, Crackle and Pop are in on it too.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

What about that Lucky Charm fellow?

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Him too. And all the other male cereal mascots. There are no female cereal mascots for some reason.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Fruity Pebbles?

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

I thought of Pebbles, but I don't know if she really counts as a cereal mascot. I think it's usually Fred and Barney on the box. But you can include her if you want.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Equal representation.

I mean, if we're going to give the rats and toilet paper representation, I say, sure, let's give Pebbles her time in the light too. Feminism, man.

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

That's what I was saying. We need more female cereal box representation. Pebbles is only there occasionally, and she's only one female.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

He's always in on shenanigans. It's the nature of leprechauns.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Bigot!

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

I see I need to check my non-leprechaun privilege. I'm so ashamed.

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The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

And turning yourself over to a higher power.

If you have any doubt, just look up in the sky and see that beam that's being shone down before they suck you up into their spaceship and probe you, or not (sorry Crystal). :(

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

To quote Charlie Bucket:

"I didn't wanna get probed anyway. I bet it makes the chocolate taste terrible."

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

It's a process. I'll continue to work on myself until I'm worthy of your approval. Please be gentle. I'm a softy.

In the meantime, I apologize to all leprechauns.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Are you saying you're preparing a certain body part in order to make the probing a smoother process?

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Have you become an official prober now?

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

No, but how do you tell someone you don't want to probe them, without hurting their feelings?

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

CrystalBunnyhops said... No, but how do you tell someone you don't want to probe them, without hurting their feelings?
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Well I've never been in that situation, so I'll have to defer to your abduction expertise.

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Lilith said... Well I've never been in that situation, so I'll have to defer to your abduction expertise.
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Why is she asking me about body parts? I thought this was about being respectful toward leprechauns.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Sporky! said... Why is she asking me about body parts? I thought this was about being respectful toward leprechauns.
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Because you replied to my probe post. Unless Nest is screwed up.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

CrystalBunnyhops said... Because you replied to my probe post. Unless Nest is screwed up.
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Okay. I will continue to focus on being nice to leprechauns.

I'm exhausted. It's sweepy time.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

But maybe it can make you float.

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Is this a reference to Fizzy Lifting Drinks or is it a reference to the IT clown?

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Haha! It was actually the Fizzy Lifting Drinks (trying to keep within the same Chocolate Factory realm), but I suppose the IT clown could be responsible for some of the conspiracies….

I got it! The ballots got trapped in the sewer drains and Pennywise stole them? And you know what that means? Things float down there!

The options are endless.

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

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Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

~*~Anna~*~ said... *exits thread*
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Is it the clown talk? lol

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

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Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

My first thought after reading the "float" comment was "we all float down here," and then I thought of the Fizzy Lifting Drinks scene.

Yes, someone will have to go down in the sewers to collect the ballots.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

CrystalBunnyhops said... My first thought after reading the "float" comment was "we all float down here," and then I thought of the Fizzy Lifting Drinks scene.

Yes, someone will have to go down in the sewers to collect the ballots.
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Let's send Anna. She likes clowns.

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

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Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Lilith said... Let's send Anna. She likes clowns.
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Nobody likes clowns!

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Proof?

If we take the time to see with the heart and not with the mind, we shall see that we are surrounded completely by angels ~ Carlos Santana

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

this is gold! I'll try to think of some too!

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Thanks!

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Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

They were too busy probing desirables.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Oh no! Then that means you were, (say it isn't so),…an undesirable, (because you didn't get probed when you got abducted!) *gasp*

But then again, you're not in the running to become president. Ooh, ooh, unless you're secretly one of the lizard people and we're just seeing your facade!

Tell me I'm onto something! Ha!

"Life is tough. Get a helmet." – Candace Owens
"Not today, Satan!" – Blaire White

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Then that means you were, (say it isn't so),…an undesirable, (because you didn't get probed when you got abducted!)

Exactly! You saw the disgusted face on that alien while I stood there half-naked before him/her.

We're all lizard people.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories

Big Wig conspired to prevent trump from winning the election so he would stop making them look bad.

Re: Make up your own election conspiracy theories



I guess it's real (or a hair transplant), since he spends thousands on hair styling.
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