Humor : Jokes and cartoons: Just passed 800!

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the red light say to the green light?
A: Don't look, I'm changing!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

There are three types of people in this world.

Those of us who are good at math, and those of us who aren't.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

Cashew!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

My doctor says he's been practicing for thirty years. So when is he gonna start doing his job for real?

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Why do ghosts love elevators?

Because they lift their spirits.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why was Cinderella kicked off the soccer team?
A: Because she kept running from the ball.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

LOL.

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: You're way too young to be smoking!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you do when your shoes get holes in them?
A: Reboot!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: You look for fresh prince.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

You used that one already. You're starting to recycle your jokes, WY.

How can you make seven an even number?

Just delete the "n".



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you call a cow with no arms and legs?
A: Ground beef.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What did the lawyer wear to court?

A lawsuit.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why does Piglet smell?
A: Because he plays with Pooh.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

LOL!

What do you call HIJKLMNO?

H2O!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the teacher do with a student's cheese report?
A: She grated it!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What is Forrest Gump's computer password?

1forrest1.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

I bought a pair of sneakers from a drug dealer. I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What did the clock do when it was hungry?

It went back four seconds.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What's the worst thing about being an egg?
A: You only get laid once and that's by your own mother.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey, you wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
A: Supplies!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

A Japanese janitor, eh?

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory?

He took a couple days off.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: How does Moses make his tea?
A: Hebrews it!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

I think this jokeathon has gone into extra innings. We're eventually gonna run out of room.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Because he always got a hole in one.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

I'm having a ball with this thread. I just love telling bad jokes.

Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving?
A: Because it scares their dogs too much.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

So am I, but don't you ever sleep?

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?

It's fine, he eventually woke up.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Sometimes.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: Meet you at the corner.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What kind of dinosaur likes to sleep?

Well, now, all of them.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

What do Attila the Hun and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

The same middle name.

Re: Bad jokes

What is old and a pervert?

A moviemancin2

Re: Bad jokes

Bye, sock.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

His joke was so bad that it couldn’t get me to laugh.

Re: Bad jokes

And your naked booty was so bad it couldn't get me hard.

Re: Bad jokes



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A: A nervous wreck.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Why did the teacher love the white board?

She just thought it was remarkable!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Always trust people who like big butts. They can not lie.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

A guy told me nothing rhymes with orange.

So I replied, "No it doesn't."



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two!

Re: Bad jokes

You stole one of mine, you big fat stinky joke stealer!!



If you're American when you go into bathroom, and again when you leave, what are you in the bathroom?

European.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: He was outstanding in his field.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

LOL.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Cause then it would be a foot.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.
Top