Humor : Jokes and cartoons: Rapidly approaching 900!

Re: Bad jokes

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you call a guy with no names and legs stuck in a forest fire?
A: Bernie.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

That's terrible! Funny, but terrible.

Speaking of terrible, I'm terrified of elevators.

So I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What you call a guy with no arms and legs underneath a car?
A: Jack.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Did you know that Joan Rivers was so sarcastic that even her vagina talked back to her?
A: She called it her answering cervix.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

So you're stealing jokes from the dead now?



How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Did you know about the film Vic Morrow was going to do after Twilight Zone: The Movie?
A: Blade Runner 2. It was going to be made in two parts.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

You are SO bad!

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Thanks. I do my best.

Q: Why did Richard Nixon see Deep Throat twice?
A: He wanted to get it all down Pat.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.

But then I turned myself around.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What has three balls and comes from outer space?
A: ET, the Extra Testicle.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

LOL!



What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops!"

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, because it can't come.

Re: Bad jokes

LOL!



Why don't crabs donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Lol. How many more you got?!

Re: Bad jokes

I got a million of'em!





When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony,

But the reception was amazing!




Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a quarry?
A: Rocky.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids?
A: Because he only comes once a year – and that's down a chimney!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

That's an old one!

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others….

"How do you drive this thing?"



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why do dogs licks their balls?
A: Because they can!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

You're slipping, WY. That one is really old!

What did the pirate say when he turned eighty?

"Aye, matey."



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

You didn't say anything about them being new bad jokes.

Q: What do you call a creature with no arms and legs in a lake?
A: A fish!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Well yeah, I did. It's in the thread title: Bad Jokes.

There's no hole in your shoe?

Then how did you get your foot in it?



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you do if a giant grizzly throws you on the ground and then proceeds to hump you?
A: Just grin and bear it.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes



Ever try to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Want to hear a bad joke about Hungry?

Hungry is a bad joke.

Thanks, I'll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress and drive safely.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why are there gates around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Want to hear a follow up joke to that?
A: I remember my momma telling that one many years ago and it's wasn't funny then.

Re: Bad jokes

Now that one is REALLY old! That was used in a Marx Brothers movie back in the 30's! I can't remember which one, maybe Duck Soup.

What do an apple and an orange have in common?

Neither one can drive.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the lady duck say when she bought some lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Five guys walk into a bar.

You would think one of them would have seen it.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Helen Keller walks into a bar …
then a chair,
followed by the wall.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

That's the best one yet!



I watched hockey before it was cool.

They were basically swimming.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Right! That's lunch!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: A Mississippi!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken come in a bucket?
A: So you have something to throw up in afterwards.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Oh, bloody awful!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

Because it was too tired.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What did the shoes say to the pants?
A: Sup, britches!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Much better!

I used to hate facial hair.

Then it grew on me.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
A: The Old Volks Home!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Excellent!

A cowherd (cowherd??) counted 48 cows on his property.

But when he rounded them up, he had 50.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

Why does a chicken coup have only two doors?

If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: Why was the broom late for work?
A: It overswept!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm

Re: Bad jokes

A white man, black man, Asian and Latino were standing on top of a mountain.

Latino says “this is for my people.” And jumps off the mountain.

Asian man says “this is for my people,” spreads his arms, and jumps off the mountain.

Black man says “this is for my people!” He grabs the white man and throws that mufucka off the mountain.

Re: Bad jokes

"Bang!!?? Ha! Ha! Bang??!!

Shiiiiiiiiiit!! I'm not dyin' fo no white man!!"


list=PLmE-nbZ89BYZVdAmSxDyfh8yC8Eu2co4k&index=25




Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

http://movie-dude.co.uk/Guy%20Standeven.htm
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