Humor : Jokes, cartoons, and memes: Now headed to 4,000, which is a decagonal number.

Jokes, cartoons, and memes: Now headed to 4,000, which is a decagonal number.

What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree?

A pool table!







Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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A guy goes to prison for a life sentence. On his first evening, he hears a prisoner yell out "52!" and the other prisoners all laugh.

Then he hears someone yell "44!" and everyone laughs again.

And that goes on… "122!" and everyone laughs some more.

So, in an effort to blend in, he yells out "60!"…but nobody laughs.

"What's up with that?" he asks.

One of the old lifers pulls him aside and explains, "After several years, we've heard all the jokes hundreds of times, so it just got easier to yell out the number instead of telling the whole joke."

"OK then, why didn't anyone laugh at mine?"

"Must've been the way you told it," replied the old timer.

Apparently, stupid people don't know they're stupid.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a masturbating cow? A: Beef strokin' off.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What did one dish say to another?

Dinner's on me!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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*ties shoelaces*

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Okay then.



Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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*clears throat*

I'm a retired military veteran. The doctors said that I have diabetes. I'm hungry. Any donations or food is appreciated.

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I'm an Army Vet. Are you serious here, or are you just pulling my leg?



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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What do you call someone who has immigrated to Sweden?

Okay, are you sure you want the answer?

Seriously?

Okay, okay, here it is.

One last chance to back out. No?? Okay, here goes:

Artificial Swedener!




Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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You are so bad, lol! Bad, bad, bad!!

"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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True. Very true.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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What's old and gay?

Moviemancin2

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What is on top of film|boards?

A tightrope.

BlogSpotSelfies • 34 • East Coast Florida • New Orleans

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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*Sits on your lap and starts looking for your wallet*

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Okay then.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: How do you catch a naked man running through a church? A: Grab him by the organ.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Oh no. Not you too!?

"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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Q: Why did the motherfucker cross the road? A: So he could fuck your mother on the other side!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What does a house wear?

Address!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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What’s the best part of fucking a 10 year old girl?

You can flip her over and pretend it’s a 10 year old boy.

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sick

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Post deleted

This message has been deleted.

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How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Oh hai gameboy

You gotta make way for Furry Superior!

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Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because mad cow was already taken!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: How many Bill Cosbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, because Bill Cosby prefers to screw women in the dark.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: Why did the depraved sexual degenerate cross the road?
A: Because he had a chicken on his dick.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neil.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who's hanging on a wall?
A: Art.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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And one floating in water?

Bob.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: You fuck her!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Ah, a joke from the "you didn't see that punchline coming" school of comedy. Excellent!

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?

It's making headlines!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

"Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yessir, the check is in the mail."

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Cosmetic surgery used to be a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
A: Take it outside for a drag.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?

Bob.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Q: Why did the housewife leave her husband for a banana?
A: Because the banana had lots of appeal.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What you do call a guy with no arms and legs on a bed underneath a hot naked woman?
A: Lucky!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a porch?
A: Matt.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying in a ditch?

Phil.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and legs lying on the beach?
A: Sandy.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.
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