Humor : Bad jokes

Bad jokes

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Cause he neverlands!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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You do realize you're just encouraging me, right?

Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife?

He needed his space!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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I got fired from my job in the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance. So I pusher her over.

"I got a million of'em!"







Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

Re: Bad jokes

If you think THAT one was bad….

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised
to make Eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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LOL!



Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

Cause the cow has the udder!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

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Re: Bad jokes

I knew both of those.



PS What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes



"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

Re: Bad jokes

I like to spend every day like it's my last.

Staying in bed and calling a nurse to bring me more pudding.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes



"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

Re: Bad jokes

How did Darth Vader know that Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes



"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

Re: Bad jokes




What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"Supplies!"

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes



"When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." ~ Alice in Wonderland

Re: Bad jokes




Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

(not gonna happen)

There would be mass confusion!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you're not a dad.

It's a faux pa!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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What did the cat say to the dog?

You bitch!



Blessed to the Giver
Cursed be the Thief
May fortune smile upon
the True and Liars
come to Grief

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

"Robin, get in the Batmobile."



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

What happens to thanksgiving when your fat momma enters the house?

It ends in five minutes

Blessed to the Giver
Cursed be the Thief
May fortune smile upon
the True and Liars
come to Grief

Re: Bad jokes







I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.

But it's only mild.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Why doesn't the gingerbread man wear shorts.
He's got crummy legs

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Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Why do the French enjoy eating snails?
Because they don't like fast food

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

Re: Bad jokes

I actually like that one.

The last baseball game I went to I was freezing.
The stadium was full of fans

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Thanks.



What did the buffalo say when his male offspring left?

Bison!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Why do sharks live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze

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I've heard that one before.



I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Did you know squirrels swim on their backs?
They do it to keep their nuts dry

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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest, and lean forward.

That's just how I roll!

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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What do you give a cannibal who's late for a dinner party.
The cold shoulder

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LOL! I like that one!

Why don't ants get sick?

They have anty-bodies!



Gotta go night night now.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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๐Ÿ‘

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.
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