Battledogs : What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

1. It takes a pack of werewolves several hours to run across the Brooklyn Bridge.

2. A cure for a virus can be fabricated in only a few minutes if you have the antibodies.

3. Airport security chiefs have the ability to do a complete background search on passengers; in only a few hours. And must hand-deliver the results.

4. US Army generals think turning soldiers into uncontrollable werewolves will be a good way to win battles.

5. US Air Force fighter jets must descend to visual range to destroy New York City bridges with missiles (no laser-guidance systems for them).

6. It is possible to smuggle a pocketknife into US Army custody despite having been captured while completely nude.

7. US Army generals stage werewolf steel cage death fights in windowed interrogation rooms.

8. When someone tries to tell you she's Patient Zero in an outbreak, ignore her.

9. When you fake-swallow the pills your captors give you, go ahead and spit the pill out on the ground in the public area. No one will notice a red pill on the ground and conclude that one of the werewolves didn't take his pill.

10. If you're going to try and escape from US Army custody, don't just start running away in the processing area in front of all the armed soldiers.

11. The US Army wears battle armor and helmets when fighting the Taliban, but not when fighting werewolves.

12. Somebody finally got some stock footage of F-22s - no more F-16/F-14/F-15 hybrids.

13. Being shot in the shoulder will not hamper your movements in any noticeable way.

14. Being turned into a werewolf will cure bullet wounds.

15. When blonde love interest dies, immediately turn your affections to alternate blonde.

16. If you're gonna spend your life being chased by monsters, stick with the dinosaurs (or even the giant worms). They have a bigger budget and much better CGI.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

Good list. LOL at #16.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

#7 is main Item in the Military Back Budget,
I am surprised they let you post it on the net :)

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

17. when two men strapped to chairs turn into werewolves, the chairs will miraculously disappear so there's room to fight.

18. Using your belt, you can clear an electric fence AND be missed by soldiers firing automatic weapons at you. Also, once you roll a few feet away from the soldiers, you're out of range of their guns.

19. Military hair cuts now include shag styling and long side burns.

20. Pursuing soldiers in a boat will not fire at you when you're only a few feet away (but probably out of range again) and will give up the chase if you bump their boat once.

21. If you are a soldier, you can yell at dozens of infected in a gigantic room to keep moving, even though they are already at their destination and have nowhere else to go.

22. When Manhattan is in lockdown, this does not affect traffic.

23. The only way to discuss things in a SyFy movie is through:

a) constant arguing (shouting is a plus)
or
b) pointless banter, especially after someone near you has been ripped to shreds
This makes me think that SyFy writers are paid by the word.

24. Gigantic rampaging werewolves succumb to tranquilizer darts in less than a second.

25. When running with your side arm, ignore your training and keep your finger on the trigger, especially when it's pointed at your foot.

26. After making SyFy original series, there's no money left over for SyFy original movies, especially in the EFX department.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

27. Women's bathrooms in airports will have a row of women combing their hair and doing their makeup at the mirrors.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

Yet another typical Syfy movie. Totally crappy ending. This movie had real potential, but they used their regular movie formula and it all went downhill. At least they got the werewolves right.

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Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

XX. Upon growin up, that girl from Jurraissic Park forgot how to run - until she turns into a wolf.

XX. Grenades turn soldiers into projectiles.


XX. Dennis Haysbert can repeatedly be talked out of killing a woman-wolf.


XX. Bill Duke should go back to the Predator jungle and sweat some of that off.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

When you quarantine Werewolves, allow your guarding soldiers to casually wander amongst them in cotton uniforms - cause there is no possible danger there............

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

I downloaded and watching this now. With the special effects being on the cheap side, it makes me wonder if this movie was on SyFy?

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'


#6 is a real good point!!!!


28) The surveillance equipment at JFK that takes absolutely crystal clear sharp holographic images that even record headline on a newspaper that is tucked close to ones chest.

Smoke me a kipper. I’ll be back for breakfast

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

- Using established talented actors makes Asylum movies worse.
- Asylum movies need an ageing 80's pop tart.
- The funny lookin girl from Jurassic Park is now a MILF.
- Jurassic Park was released longer ago / I must be older than, I thought.
- Pete from Warehouse 13 has a twin.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

29) A warewolf movie that has several talking scenes about how warewolves can help in medical research and no mention whatsoever about warewolves rapid healing ability.

30) Ariana Richards was 14 when she did Jurassic Park in 1993. I turned 20 that year when I saw Jurassic Park on the big screen. Ariana is now in her 30's in this movie Battledogs. Now I'm.......oh crap, I'm old!

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

31) People who contribute,(29)to the list of "what I learned from battledogs"
Can't spell werewolf and also hear conversations in the movie that didn't happen.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

People apparently put handprints randomly on bathroom walls using feces.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

These "what I learned..." lists shouldn't be applied to SyFy movies IMHO - films shot on much bigger budgets need to be ridiculed for having cheap goofs and mistakes. SyFy movies can't avoid tacky goofiness as they're already cheap to start with.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

Good Point.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'


True, but if we had to stop making fun of these movies, half of us would stop watching them.

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

31. Its a good idea to run at charging werewolves as long as you have a gun

32. The airport has hologram technology, but only every 5 minutes

33. Never look a predator in the eye



-JVS
For ridiculously entertaining B-Movie reviews, check out my channel:
YouTube.com/Slammarang

Re: What I Learned from 'Battledogs'

Just finished watching it: Great list. I liked it overall because the acting from Ernie Hudson, Bill Duke and Wes Studi were all pretty good, serious, not atypical for each of them. Craig Schaffer.Others. It's a B-movie so, I wasn't surprised or disappointed. Overall I thought it was pretty good but the story, the details, the stupidity of soldiers was poor, and Schaeffer running slow and looking scared wouldn't have beat anyone, let alone some instinct driven werebeasts. I still liked it for what it was though. As you said, its the making-fun-of, cringeworthy elements that keep us coming back for more.

"I understand English very well...." Magua, The Last of the Mohicans
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