Humor : Jokes, cartoons, and memes: Now headed to 4,000, which is a decagonal number.

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Q: What's better than winning a silver medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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NOT PC! LOL!

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

A stick.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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That PC stuff's for touchy-feely namby pamby wimps!

Q: How did the frog die?
A: He Kermit suicide.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Precisely! I HATE PC and touchy-feely namby pamby wimps!

Did you hear about the butter?

Never mind. I shouldn't spread it.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What is blue and not heavy at all?
A: Light blue.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread it apart?

Blessed to the Giver
Cursed be the Thief
May fortune smile upon
the True and Liars
come to Grief

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LOL,

I'm not a big fan of stairs.

They're always up to something.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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When's the best time to go to the dentist?


Tooth-hurtie!

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Why did the golfer change his pants?

Because he got a hole in one!

“There are no atheists in foxholes, eh?”-Keith Jennings from the Omen.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?


Roberto

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When is a joke a dad joke?

When it's apparent.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Apparently, stupid people don't know they're stupid.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Apparently, stupid people don't know they're stupid.

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Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind. It's tearable!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: Why did the Puerto Ricans push the apartment building down the street?
A: They were trying to jump start the furnace.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Apparently, stupid people don't know they're stupid.

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What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?

Roberto.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: Why was the snowman smiling?
A: Because he heard the snow blower was coming!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Good one!

BlogSpotSelfies • 34 • East Coast Florida • New Orleans

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Cause the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Why did Moviemancin2 cross the road?


Cause his dick was in the chicken

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Bye, Jimmy.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What's the award for being the best dentist?
A: A little plaque!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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She was only a whiskey maker.

But he loved her still.

At 226 posts, this thread has definitely gone into OVERtime!



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a camel in a drought?
A: A dry humper.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Cashier in a grocery: "Would you like the milk in a bag?"

Man: "No, just leave it in the carton."



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call someone who gets mad when they don't have any bread?
A: Lack toast intolerant!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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I went into a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was.

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.







Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: How do you know diarrhea is hereditary?
A: It runs in your jeans.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Jokes about menstruation are not funny.

Period.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?
A: Cheese Was!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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If you're struggling to think of something to get someone for Christmas, get them a fridge,

then watch their face light up when they open it.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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A man walks into a bar holding a piece a piece of asphalt.
The man says to the bartender, "A beer please, and one for the road."

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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LOL.

A man goes into his doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says "You need to stop masturbating." The man asks "Why?"

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

(I saw this one coming from several miles away.)




Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What happens when you witness a ship wreck?
A: You let it sink in.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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I was thinking about moving to Russia.

But there's no point Russian into things.



PS I visited there and Ukraine in 1974, seeing Moscow, Kiev, Yalta and Leningrad. Of course at that time, they were both part of the USSR, the evil empire.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What kind of pictures do turtles take?
A: Shellfies.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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What is the Karate expert's favorite beverage?

Kara-tea.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day …
… all it was doing was collecting dust.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Why are eggs not very much into jokes?


Because they could crack up.

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Q: Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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People are making apocalypse jokes…

like there's no tomorrow.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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Who can shave 25 times a day, and still have a beard?

A barber.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
A: Snow balls!

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.

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I gave away all my dead batteries today…

free of charge.



Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

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Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He neverlands.

You've seen Guy Standeven in something since the man was in everything.
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