The Sound of Music : The Baroness sends her regrets...

The Baroness sends her regrets...


Dear friends, family, and Austrian nobility,

Captain Von Trapp and I are very sorry to inform you that we no longer plan to wed. We offer our deepest apologies to those of you who have already made plans to travel to Salzburg this summer.

Those of you on the Captain’s side of the guest list are probably aware of the reason for the change of plans. I’m sure by now you have received that charming “Save the date!” card in the shape of a mountain goat from the Captain and his new fiancée, Maria.

I must confess to being rather blindsided by the end of our relationship. It seems Captain Von Trapp and I misunderstood each other. I assumed he was looking for a wife of taste and sophistication, who was a dead ringer for Tippi Hedren; instead he wanted to marry a curtain-wearing religious fanatic who shouts every word she says.

But I don’t want you to be angry at him. We are all adults here. “But Baroness,” so many of my friends have said, “you must be devastated. You yourself are fabulously wealthy, so you cannot have wanted the Captain for his money—you must have truly loved him.” It’s true. But so, I am sure, does his new fiancée, his children’s nanny. Her wardrobe is made of curtains. She’s definitely not a gold digger or anything.

I’m sorry. That was crude of me. She seems like a lovely person, and she and the children have a great deal in common.

A great, great, great deal.

Since I will no longer be a part of their lives, I do hope you will all keep an eye on the Captain’s children. I am not terribly maternal but I was very fond of them in my own way and I must admit I am worried what will become of them now that I have gone. I had planned to send them to boarding school, since their education at the moment seems to consist mostly of marching around Salzburg singing scales. I think it would have been particularly helpful for the eldest daughter, who seems intent on losing her virginity to the mailman.

Please, friends, don’t worry about me. While I was a bit startled to be thrown aside for someone who flunked out of nun school, I assure you that I will be fine, and my main pursuits in life shall continue to be martinis, bon mots, and looking fabulous. You’ll also be glad to know I have retained custody of the Captain’s hard-drinking gay friend, Max. Anyone who gets tired of sing-a-longs should feel free to look us up.

Again, my deepest apologies for this disruption to your plans. I am currently sorting through the wedding gifts we’ve already received and I will send them back as soon as possible. The Captain would help, but he is busy learning to play a song about cuckoo clocks on his guitar.

Sincerely,
Baroness Elsa Schraeder





http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-regret-to-inform-you-that-my-wedd ing-to-captain-von-trapp-has-been-canceled#.UNfOYA0qQo0.twitter

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Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

Haaaaaaaaaaa

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

Poor Baroness..
At least she'll always look fabulous looking for her true love.



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Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

The Baroness is a classy lady!

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

LOL. You know how they retold The Wizard of Oz, from the Wicked Witch's point of view, in Wicked? How about a retelling of Sound of Music from Elsa's point of view?

There was a good radio play that did just that

The BBC Radio 4 had a really good radio play that told the story (the actual story, not the one from the show or movie) from the viewpoint of the captain's fiancée, who was displaced by Maria (I forget what her actual title was, though I think it was not baroness; it may even have been princess). It was quite good. I wish it were available now, but I don't think it is.







Just make a movie that makes me care, one way or another. I'm open.

Re: There was a good radio play that did just that

I think the real life Baroness (who was called Yvonne, and related to Georg's first wife), actually manipulated Maria and the Captain into getting married. It seems everyone expected them to marry, but someone had cold feet, and it seems to have been Yvonne. Then she tells Maria the Captain is in love with her (that really happened).

Maybe Yvonne felt that duty obliged her to marry the captain, but she didn't really want to do it. Then along comes Maria, who is nuts about the children, and the lightbulb goes on in her head. :)

The real life Captain Von Trapp was a good man (his and Maria's personalities were opposite to what they were in the movie, in real life), but he didn't look like Christopher Plummer and perhaps was a bit dull.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

fabulous to the very end. love it


Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

The movie tried to make her look like an evil stepmother, a shallow rich lady, but she was just trying to defend and save what her life was about: her love for the captain.

You've got to admit, she was really gracious and mature about it when Georg broke up with her.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

If she were as lovely as you paint, she'd have let Georg decide for himself which woman he wanted, vs. manipulating Maria into leaving.

Whatever feelings she may have had for Georg, there was definitely a selfishness about them. She certainly had no interest in being mother to his abundant children.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

If the fact that Maria ultimately came back to the von Tropps after speaking with the nun is any indication,

this:


manipulating Maria into leaving.


is so not true! Maria, imho, wouldn't have come back if she didn't have a fondness and love for Captain von Tropp and his children.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

there is no evidence that she was in love with the captain, though she undoubtedly considered him an eligible husband. she did not care for the children and wanted to pack them off to boarding school so she didn't have to bother with them. And if she had been such a noble character as you suggest, she wouldn't have tried to make Maria leave and go back to the convent. nor was Captain von Trapp fabulously wealthy.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

Marvelass - Its been years since i laughed so hard that several family members had to see if i was choking to death. When i start my sarcastic parody magazine i'll call you about a contributing writer gig. That was classic, especially while watching it at the same time.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

Loved it!

The Baroness was super classy. If I were her, I would have broken the Captain's guitar over his head when he couldn't stop staring at Maria when singing edelweiss.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...


Loved it!

The Baroness was super classy. If I were her, I would have broken the Captain's guitar over his head when he couldn't stop staring at Maria when singing edelweiss.

:-)
As much as I like this movie, I don't like seeing what happened to the Baroness here. She was innocent. She wasn't an evil step-mother-to-be, she was just not as good with the children as Maria was, and Maria was a very lovely person.

Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

Oh pooh, it's funny.




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Re: The Baroness sends her regrets...

That would hardly be super classy behaviour.
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