Polyester : If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

I saw something about how Joaquin Phoenix would've made a good Dexter if he'd been old enough and that started me to think, "who else would've been good, especially if there was a remake?" Waters himself thought Juliette Lewis would make a great Cookie if he were to remake Pink Flamingos.

Any ideas? Fire away.

I think Charlotte Rae would be good for Cuddles

Harvey Firestein would be great as Francine, seeing as how he won raves for playing another Divine character in "Hairspray" - why the heck not? There's not a real woman out there who would be so hideous except for Roseanne Barr, who is the most hideous woman alive, with Rosie O'Donnell coming in a close second. I don't want to have to pay anything to see them in anything, so, it'd have to be a man.

Are there any other huge actresses out there?

Bruce Willis as Todd Tomorrow

Burt Ward as Elmer Fishpaw (at the time of the original film, he was still small enough to play Todd Tomorrow, but has turned into a really huge star as of late).

Portia De Rossi - Sondra Sullivan

Hillary Duff - Lulu (how's THAT for blowing your whole image out of the water)

Christine Baranski as Mother La Rue (yeah, a ton of old-age makeup, but she's one of the few actresses I'm aware of who can play a really snotty old bitch and do it QUITE well.

Of course, there's Suzie Essman from Curb Your Enthusiasm - she'll need make-up, too, but she does have that mouth.

Nothing, of course, is written in stone, so I would love to see who you would cast.

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Frankie Munz as Dexter And Johnny Knoxville as Bo Bo! Francine of course has to be a fat man in drag!!

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Agreed on all three counts - especially Dexter. Waters always did love to cast people exactly the opposite of their image.









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Re: Schmaltzy new cast for the 'Remake that Never Should Be'

Oprah as Cuddles? LOL!

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Re: Schmaltzy new cast for the 'Remake that Never Should Be'

Here's also a good cast if there was a remake of 'Pink Flamingos':

Babs Johnson: Harvey Fierstein
Edie: Jennifer Coolidge
Cotton: Sarah Chalke (Elliot on 'Scrubs')
Crackers: Colin Farrell
The Egg Man: Michael McDonald (the MAD TV star)
Connie Marble: Natasha Henstridge
Raymond Marble: Rob Schneider
Cookie the Spy: Leelee Sobieski
Channing the Butler: Darrel Hammond
Suzie: Thora Birch
Linda: Mila Kunis


If it happened, I'd see it!

Re: Schmaltzy new cast for the 'Remake that Never Should Be'


I like all your ideas for the cast, but I hear Julia Stiles' mouth when I think of Susie. Ah, maybe Thora Birch can act the part out physically, with Stiles' voice dubbed in.

"I've made a huge mistake"

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Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Why does everyone want to remake films these days??
The originals should stand.




There's plenty of good books that should have been made into movies but haven't been, for instance

Ira Levin's THIS PERFECT DAY.

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Here's a good cast for a re-make

Francine Fishpaw: Jimmy Kimmel
Elmer Fishpaw: Jeff Bridges
Lulu Fishpaw: Scarlett Johansson
Dexter Fishpaw: Zach Braff
Todd Tomorrow: Steve Carell
Sandra Sullivan: Natasha Henstridge
Cuddles: either Kathy Najimy or Jennifer Coolidge
Freddy: Jon Heder
Bo-Bo: Johnny Knoxville

And, the movie can be produced by Howard Stern!!!

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Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

While watching the movie, I get a feeling that the beginning was like Waters' re-telling of "Romeo and Juliet," due to Lulu and Bo-Bo. Weird!

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Who is that fat guy that is on the latest edition of Celebrity Fit Club? He would be a good Francine, espcially since he played Edna Turnblad in the stage version of Hairspray.


Dexter would be played by Ashton Ktucher


That black kid they showed on the news talking about how Dexter stomped on the "Honkey ladie's foot" would be that kid from Everybody Hates Chris


Bo Bo, I agree with Johnny Knoxville

Lulu could be Jessica Simpson


Francine's husband would be played by this one guy I know who I can't stand, he reminds me of him...eeew



Mink stole's character would be played by Sally Kirkland


Cuddles would be that lady from Trading Spouses...the crazy one that screamed all the time!

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?


"Who is that fat guy that is on the latest edition of Celebrity Fit Club? He would be a good Francine, espcially since he played Edna Turnblad in the stage version of Hairspray."

LOL! I could easily see him saying lines like "Oh Cuddles I am an alcoholic!"
and "All the neighborhood women spit at me whenever Im at the shopping mall!"

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

"The Crazy one that Screamed All the Time"
- I think you mean Marguerite Perrin AKA The GOD WARRIOR. I can't see her having anything to do with a remake LOL- I can see her now- "Not of god, everythings ungodly, They're NOT CHRISTIANS!!!!!" LOL

This is NOT Hairspray

There is no room for John Waters remakes. The most recent Hairspray happened to be a film adaptation of a musical adaptation of a film. In the context of when Polyester was made, it gives a good sense of all his movies. Many people probably think that before Hairspray, Pink Flamingos was his only significant movie. It wasn't. Polyester is one of his best, in part because it makes for a solid and important bridge between his early and recent work. This is a great postcard from Baltimore, with all it's suburbs' weirdness, to the moviegoing world. Trying to populate with previously known actors a story, made with and for his own 1970s merry pranksters, would go against the mondo trasho spirit that he used to make a name for himself. Besides, Waters' stuff is rooted in Baltimore, not to be screwed with by Hollywood.

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Rosie O'Donnel as Francine but I doubt she'd take it.

Love The Oldies

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

I agree, but if Christine Baranski wasn't available, then Joanna Lumley would make a good LaRue.

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Very simply--you could never re-make this film with another cast. Even with Waters' help. The musical version of Hairspray is a pale and de-fanged version of the original--and in certain respects it is easier to cast to Polyester. No one, but no one, could do justice to a role written for Edith Massey.

Re: If you could re-make this film, what is your ideal cast?

Fuck that goddamn remake shit right in the ass with a four-pronged pitchfork sideways. This film is fine the way it is.

Yes, this is really me.
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