Screenwriters : Comments on this beginning of a zombie movie script.

Comments on this beginning of a zombie movie script.

Film Starts with narration explaining past along with images in background illustrating the past:

Narrator: My name is Edward Valentine. 25 years ago, a group of scientists trying desperately to find a veritable fountain of youth, a serum that couldÂ…regenerate dead cells. The trick seemed to evade the, but then, lo and behold, a meteorite crashed to earth, bringing with it the answer, the scientists thought that they had hit the jackpot. I didnÂ’t take long for them to come up with a serum. However, the test subjects began to react violently, their eyes becoming lifeless, and they became flesh hungry monsters. Obviously, they couldnÂ’t control themÂ…they got out somehow, and began to infect the world. Once the serum as in your system, you had around five minutes before you turned into one of them, family members killing each other out of madness or because they had turnedÂ…it was horrible. I wars just young, five years old, and saw all my family die before me. The world shouldnÂ’t have been able to survive, it was a literal apocalypse but the same scientists who created the serum, managed to create a serum, which could be a tranquilizer of sorts to the infected. So there we were, in a ruined world with a million zombie slaves. The rich leaders began to slowly rebuild civilization, and the zombies; they ended up being used in a huge gladiatorial arena against prisoners and convicts. So for each time one killed a zombie, there were always three weaker convicts to be infected. ThatÂ’s where our story begins.

Cut to sandy arena with huge bald fighter battling strangely muscular zombie

Announcer: This is “the slaughterer” 3 time winner of the competition, but we’ve thrown in a few tricks this time…
(Slaughterer does a spinning kick that snaps the zombieÂ’s neck, and it stands hovering for a moment. Slaughterer stands grinning, but suddenly the zombie tilts itÂ’s head back the other way with a sickening pop, and the SlaughtererÂ’s look of triumph melts on his face into a look of sheer shock and terror)
Unidentified doctor in coat: WeÂ’ve been experimenting, we reinforced the bone structures of the neck with a mix of calcium and titanium, so that it doesnÂ’t snap the nerves, and it makes them much harder to kill, we also made the teeth sharper and added to itÂ’s muscle structure. It all leads to some good entertainment.
(Zombie opens mouth revealing row of razor sharp, pointed, jagged teeth. Zombie tears SlaughtererÂ’s hand from his arm, with a vile ripping sound, and a spray of blood flies into the air, and a cheer erupts of the crowd. He spins around clutching his hand in agony, but smashes the zombieÂ’s skull in with his elbow. The zombie takes on last bite, and tears open his elbow joint. Men wearing armor, shields and helmets, loop their arms around the now infected slaughterer, give him a dose of tranquilizer, and drag his limp body out of the arena. The crowd roars once more, and then watches gleefully as further armored men hurl out chunks of bread, and the audience tears at it, trampling others in their mad rage to get the meager slices of bread.)

Cut to zombie storage chamber

Zombies stand chained to walls by manacles, around all of their limbs and around their throats, camera pans showing an endless row of zombies all moaning, as Slaughterer is shackled into a manacle where the previous zombie was, it is covered with black congealed blood, and filth. The manacles snap into place around him, and the armored men march out through the sliding doors.

Cut to locker room

Men stand lifting their armor into lockers, showers run behind curtains, men sit on benches joking, and drinking water out of black clay jugs, all goes silent as the commander marches in, he is clad in a camo pants, a beret perched neatly upon his shaved head, and a navy shirt. He has a brute-like face.
Commander (points to man who drug Slaughterer out of arena): Good job, IÂ’m impressed for a worthless piece of crud like yourselfÂ…youÂ’re all worthless. If I had my way youÂ’d all be fed to the zombies, but nonetheless you did reasonably well. (He marches over to one soldier who is shelving his armor, directly above the Commander.
Commander: you, I donÂ’t like youÂ…give me twenty. (Man glares at Commander, and shoves his armor into his locker ruefully as a single drop of black blood slides along the armors sleek metal surface, reaches itÂ’s edge, and drops off, landing with a barely audible plop inside the commanderÂ’s drink. He doesnÂ’t notice, guzzles the entire thing and marches off to go see the head scientist.)

Cut to Commander entering laboratory/control room

Scientist (motions towards monitor): look at them, like children in a playpen (motioning towards several zombies ripping apart a man in the arena. The Scientist gives the Commander a sick grin)
Commander: Dr. these new zombies can be tranquilized. Right?
Scientist: Of course, but they are much stronger, much more aggressive, and have sharper fangs, it will be harder top get to them, but it is possible, yes. That man who was bitten today, he will turn into the next step of zombie, just like the one who infected him.
(Commander nods and coughs, glop of dark blood comes out in his hand, the scientist doesnÂ’t notice)
Scientist: I want people to see the glory of what IÂ’ve done, they wanted a show, and itÂ’s almost guaranteed for no survivors nowÂ…
(Scientist hears Commander grunt, and spins around revealing him convulsing)
Scientist: Commander are you allriÂ…(he is cut off because now zombified Commander lunges towards him, fangs bared, and chomps him on the chest, the two fall to the floor, struggling, Scientist reaches for rack of tranquilizer needles, but mistakenly hits a button the unlocks the manacles that hold the zombies
Scientist: NOOOOO!!!!
(Scientist tries desperately to close manacles, but unlocks the doors to the room, and the camera shows as they slide open, and the zombies march forward moaning. The scientist yanks his head around to see the zombified Commander close in, and then the screen goes black.)

Cut To second command center

Random guy in coat: Sir, we keep getting endless reports of zombies on the loose in the ColiseumÂ’s outskirts.
Other Random guy with a beard and glasses: ThatÂ’s impossible; weÂ’ve got the best security in the world!!! Send Matthews and Johnny to tell the Doc.

Outside ScientistÂ’s lab

(One man slides card through door and opening it, everything is black)
Man 1: Hey Doc are you ok
(zombified Commander lunges out from nowhere, and sinks his teeth into Man 1Â’s throat, who screams. Man 2 sprints into the room, finding it in chaos, chairs upturned, monitors smashed, buttons torn apart. Man 2 grabs an unbroken vial of tranquilizer, and holds it in the air above Commander Zombie, when a now zombified scientist, reaches out with an iron grip around Man 2Â’s hand and plunges the tranquilizer needle towards Man 2Â’s faceÂ… camera turns towards wall, but Man 2Â’s screams are heard, needle roles away, empty of contentÂ’s, and a stream of blood roles off the desk and onto the floor. A shot is shown of four zombies wandering towards the open door towards the outside, and the screen goes black.)

Cut to Outside
Twilight shows filthy muddy area, with people walking around in rags. Camera shows man behind table, head bent down, carving at a block of wood, camera transitions to outside showing view of something walking slowly towards the shack in which the man is, the camera transitions continually between the two, and it finally shows the man spin around, a look of shock and horror on his face, which is then replaced with a nervous smile, when the camera reveals it to be his son.
Dad: LetÂ’s not joke about that
Son: Dad letÂ’s go see the zombies fight. Everyone talks about how amazing they are. The time I saw them, it was awesome.
Dad: No, I hate zombies
Son: Exactly, so lets go see them get their buttÂ’s kicked. Why are you so afraid of them?
(Camera switches to black and white mode, shows house burning, with zombies hobbling around tearing and ripping at various people and corpses; a young boy stands screaming.
Young Boy: Mamaaaa!!! Mamma!!!
(A figure grabs him and he looks up to see his dad. A zombie lunges for the boy, and the dad shoots it in the head, sending a spray of blood backwards as it collapses)
Dad: CÂ’mon, hurry, weÂ’ve gotta go!
(The dad sprints away, holding the son in one arm)
Dad: donÂ’t worry everythingÂ’s gonna be all right
(Son finally stops crying and calms downÂ…they run in silence for a minute or so, and then zombie lunges out and tackles the father. He fires the gun, directly into zombieÂ’s head, but several more surround him)
Father: Ed! keep running and donÂ’t stop! IÂ’ll find you!
(Boy hesitates, tears in his eyes, but then runs as a platoon of zombies surrounds his father, and he can no longer see him. Boy runs, with gunshots echoing in the background, and then nothing)
Cut Back to Shack
Dad: letÂ’s go for a walk, I donÂ’t want to talk about zombies
(They go outside and are promptly surrounded by neighbors)
Neighbor 1: So Ed, you gonna go with us to the coliseum tomorrow, theyÂ’re gonna have two against one
Ed: Zombies or Convicts?
Neighbor 1: Zombies of course. You need to take your son; he talks about it all the time. He needs to see what this worldÂ’s all aboutÂ…
Ed (wanders off muttering): Sick son of a bitch
Neighbor 1: You need to let him have some fun, this world is total dog *beep* except for a few times like this, and you need to let youÂ’re kid have some fun, see some blood.
Ed: Did you see your family get torn to bits by those things! they used my own friggin dad in one of their first matches!
Neighbor 1: Your dad was a convict?
Ed: No (long pause)Â… he got turned making sure I escapedÂ…(awkward silence)

Cut To inside of Coliseum
5 men sprint towards large closed-door area, one of them is a scientist, thudding footsteps roar behind them, and the sound snarls, moans, and growls of zombies echo behind them. Blood is splattered along the floor
Man 1: Sir, if we go out, the doors will stay open and they will get outside
Scientist: well, thatÂ’s just a risk weÂ’ll have to take. IÂ’m not becoming Zombie food!
Man 2: You ought to! You engineered them!
Scientist: I also invented the tranquilizer
(Zombies begin banging on door behind them)
Man 1: We can stop them from getting out if we stay here
Scientist: You can, but IÂ’m not letting my ass get eaten!
Man 3: YouÂ’re gonna destroy the world!
Scientist: YouÂ’re saying that you want to be eaten! Wish granted!
(Scientist plugs syringe with tranquilizer into the chest of two of the men, and shoves them both back)
Scientist: itÂ’ll wear off just in time for you to get eaten, and feel the pain, but not in time to escape (shows off a psychotic grin)
Man 4: sirÂ…you (he is cut off because the scientist jams empty syringe into the manÂ’s heart, without so much as a comment. Man gives blank look of shock and crumples to the floor)
Scientist: You got any questions, Eric?
Eric (man 3): (nervously) LetÂ’s go
(Scientist types in code, doors slide open, but do not close, the two sprint furiously out into the surrounding area.

20 minutes later
Sound of moaning grows louder, and a banging and tearing sound is clearly audible. A bystander, looks around frighteningly, and then steps cautiously into the open door area. He stands in shock and terror, as he sees the three bodies on the floor, two of them convulsing, and then a loud crash draws his attention away from the bodies. The door explodes off itÂ’s hinges, and a mass of zombies pour out, sprinting towards him, trampling him, as they clamber out the open door, and pour out into the darkness.

Cut to Other Muddy village

(Group of people move about, going about their daily activities. A man in a watchtower sees in the darkness of the night.)
Man 1: (in Italian) Angelo, look at this!
(Second man calmly joins man 1)
Man 2: I see nothing, I hear nothingÂ… you worry too much Richard
(Man 2 strides away, leaving man 1 looking out in to the blackness once more. He grabs a torch from a holder on a concrete wall, and steps past the gate)
Man 1: Hello…(no response, man 1 repeats himself) “hello.”(Silence.) Suddenly zombie hurls itself out of the blackness. Man 1 throws his torch at it, igniting it, and runs, the zombie chases him, followed by about 50 others.)
Man 1: The Zombies! TheyÂ’re here!
(Village stops all activity momentarily, then they shake their heads, mutter, and return to work. Suddenly heard of zombies explodes through walls tearing down tents, walls, etc. People are thrown to the ground, torn to bits, eaten, crushed etc. All blends together in a mass of carnage, blood and fire, as tents are ignited.)
Man 1 (desperately looking for someone): CharleneÂ…Charlene!!! (zombie lunges towards him, he pulls out blade from his belt, spins it around, and then stabs it through the skull of one zombie sending it falling to the floor, his twirls and impales a second one through the chest, and decapitates a third. He finally flees the village with a woman and one man, leaving the carnage behind them as the zombies cannibalize others.)

Son, that's not a rainbow, that's just the light reflecting of some baboon's waxed ass.

Re: Comments on this beginning of a zombie movie script.


Son, that's not a rainbow, that's just the light reflecting of some baboon's waxed ass.

Re: Comments on this beginning of a zombie movie script.

1 - Cut all the narration and announcing.
2 - Format your writing.
3 - Go to the Shop Talk Writers board, which is for wannabe screenwriters, not the Screenwriters board, which is for discussing professional screenwriters.

"Be wary of Wenk -- I want to warn you!"