Screenwriters : What do you think of my writing?

What do you think of my writing?

Untitled Story in Production
It's just the beginning of a story I'm working on. I'm 18 and have started writing, so take it easy on me, but please be honest.
I am the tip of a pin in the ocean and Thoughtless Ramblings are indeed just some thoughts I've jotted down.
What's your opinions?

http://gonzo18.livejournal.com/

http://gonzo18.livejournal.com/
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