Clerks : Things we learned from watching Clerks...

Things we learned from watching Clerks...

Feel free to add your own and keep the list going:

1. If you have no bed, a closet will make a comfortable and convenient alternative sleeping place.

2. The Quick Stop doesn't sell branded cigarettes.

3. 'Happy Scrappy Hero Pup' can be found on the top shelf at RST, right next to 'Put It Where It Doesn't Belong'.

4. The insides of a fluorescent light tube can give you cancer.

5. Dante is #37.


All yours...

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

6. The DeathStar ended the lives of innocent building contractors.

7. You can never find the perfect dozen

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Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

15. It is possible to hate people but love gatherings
16. Rooftop hockey games and funerals are acceptable reasons to close up shop.
17. You can maintain an erection for hours after death
18. It is not a good idea to sell cigarettes to a four year old.

"Why,you speak treason!"
"Fluently"

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

19. There's a bunch of savages in this town
20. Chewlys gum reps take their jobs very seriously
21. At night Randal is an air traffic controller
22. Somebody else can smell show polish
23. If one friend takes a free gatorade then they all will

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

24. Randal doesn't appreciate your ruse.
25. When there's money laying around, people in New Jersey just assume they're being watched.
26. You always need more than one puck for roof-top hockey games
27. Dante's girl-friend only has sex with the guy's she loves, but she'll blow anything that moves.

"Michael....my own selfish brother.....Michael"-GOB

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

28. Selling cigarettes to a 4 year old will double your fine.
29. Most girls don't bring you lasagna, they just cheat on you.
30. Dante buckles like a belt.
31. Randal like hemaphroditic porn.

and

32. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RENT HERE ANYMORE!! YEAH!!!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

33. Dante wasn't even suppose to be here today!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

34. People always ask if there's any new movies in even though there's a shelf with a sign over it clearly stating they're the new movies.

35. People say crazy *beep* during sex!

36. Being a clerk would be great if it wasn't for the *beep*ing customers.

37. Breaking your neck while trying to suck your own dick is an embarrassing way to die.

38. You are repressed if you haven't tried to suck your own dick.

39. Title does not dictate behavior.

40. Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.



The Secret Is In The Frosting... But I'll Never Tell!

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Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

42. It's ok if your girlfriend of 3years cheats on you all the time, aslong as everything else in your relationship is fine.



That's a bit of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia. - Howard Wolowitz

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

43. Masturbating animals for artificial insemination is a very meaningful job.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

44. I assure you; we're open.
45. Always inform management if you plan to shoplift.
46. Tearing up an annoying video-store customer's membership is a shocking abuse of authority.
47. The four of them need to sit down and talk things out: Dante, Veronica, Caitlin, and Caitlin's fiance.
48. It's perfectly normal to have a cat wandering around a convenience store.
49. Jay doesn't care if she's his sister, he's knocking those boots again tonight.
50. That's beautiful, man.
51. Girl likey.
52. Olaf's love for you like ticking clock, berserker.
53. The boss went to Vermont.
54. Jay'll fvck this bitch, he'll fvck that bitch, he'll fvck anything that moves.
55. Jay hates men and loves women.
56. If you break Dante's heart, Randal will have to kill you. Nothing personal.
57. Dante was Randal's first.
58. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're a pig.
59. It takes all kinds to move the world.
60. Saying you liked Empire better than Return is blasphemy.
61. Life is a series of downer endings.
62. All Jedi had was a bunch of puppets.
63. It's important to have a job that matters, boys.
64. Milk maids tick Dante off.
65. You're closed.
66. Dante is a shoe-polish-smelling motherfvcker.

"Then, and only then, will I stop talking to myself."

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

67. Silent Bob is a rude *beep*
68. Allison's sister Heather didn't recognize Dante, because he's out of shape!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

....Cupcake,

36. Being a clerk would be great if it wasn't for the *beep*ing customers.

That's like, "If it weren't for people and money, running a business would be a
piece of cake! "



Stupid!?! I never called you stupid! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

128. Morris Day isn't even mentioned in Clerks, get your films right!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

Dante was not even suppused to be there that day!
They never found the second dose!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

Just because it wins awards, people say it's good, and it has a high public rating....doesn't mean anything.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

So what does then c0cksmoker?

69. Politics are more of an integral part of roofing than most of us thought.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

70. Don't let you hockey team have any Gatorade.
71. Making a women climax is a challenge
72. My love for you is like a truck, BERSERKER! Would you like some making *beep* BERSERKER!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

73: olaf's band is clled '*beep* your yankee blue jeans'
74: that video boxes say so much but they never tell you if theyre any good
75: theres nothing more exhilirating than pointing out the short comings of others

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

76. The philospohy of a ruling class is a perfectly valid belief.....but only if you, yourself, rule.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

77. Shark's in the salsa.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

78. his name is sang sang past tense

79. even though you work at a video store you'll want to rent videos at other video stores

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

80. You're repressed if you haven't tried to suck your own dick.
81. cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
82. If a girl offers you her body, don't offer her semantics.
83. Silent Bob is rude, but he's cute as hell.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

84. They need to put a warning on Pringles cans. Like they do with cigarettes.

85. Jay hates guys. He LOVES WOMEN!!!

86. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others.

87. Randal is a danger to both the dead and the living, though he likes to think of himself as a master of his own destiny.

88. Sylvan can be talked into anything.

89. Dante's jockeying the register in some *beep* local convenience store instead of working some steady job because he's a wiseass.

90. Paraplegics put up the least amount of struggle.

91. Sometimes it's best to let those hard to reach chips go.

92. Stormtroopers only know killing in white uniforms.

93. It's important to have standards. Nobody has any pride anymore.

94. They print any kind of *beep* in the Weekly World News.

95. Guidance counselors are worthless.

96. In order to join RST video, you need an IQ less than your shoe size.

97. The leitmotif in Dante's life: Ever backing down.

98. Insubordination rules.

99. The porno mags in the back have bigger t itties.

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Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

107. Dante missed out on chicks with dicks.
108. Randal is torn between his loyalty to the boss and his desire to piss with the lights on.
109. Jay is gonna line you up and make like a circus seal.
110. All the prices end in 9.
111. That guy lost his keys.
112. Dante threw out that guy's keys.
113. Dante suffers enough indignities in his life without having cigarettes thrown at him.





I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear

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Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

116. Only hipsters are allowed to joke about stuff like tabloids. Anyone else deserves to be spit on.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

117. Hockey, when played on the roof, is played with a ball, not a puck...

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

118. We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

119. "World's Fattest Man Marries World's Tiniest Woman"

120. Old Customer: "What kind of toilet paper do you have?

Dante: "White"

Old Customer: "No, I mean........."

121. Gangsters killing gangsters in New Jersey is OK. Selling cigarettes

to a 4-year old girl in New Jersey will get you a hefty fine, and possibly

arrested. We take punishment of crime seriously here!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

122. Someone can make a great movie for of $27,575.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

Movie-making talent isn't always related to cost.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

122. Caitlin shouldn't go into the bathroom with the lights off.
123. Dead guys apparently let you do all the work and take control.
124. Randal thinks Dante is a sly dog for sneaking in the bathroom for sex.
125. Fifteen bucks little man, put that sh*t in my hand or you owe me owe me owe Jungle Love
126. Morris Day and the Time are the mad bomb.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

127. Olaf speaks some English, but he can not speak it good like we do.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

128. If you are summoned to court for selling cigarettes to a minor, it cannot be contested in any way whatsoever.

DRAGON¸.•´¸.•*´¨SWAK¸.•´¸

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

"Things I learned" threads are stupid.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

There should only be 37 Things We Learned From Clerks.










"My girlfriend sucked 37 d*cks!"
"In a row?"

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

129. I was number 1. Yay Me!!!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

130. Kevin Smith must of had some wild experiences or an incredible imagination, I think both are true.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

130. There are 37 replies. Don't *beep* reply to this!

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

131. Jay and Dante both get off work at the same time.
132. You have to have standards to find the perfect carton of eggs.
133. It's possible to go down on a guy without having sex.
134. Dante has love handles.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

135. Anyone can make a movie

2 best films this year-
I N T E R S T E L L A R
B i R D M A N

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

136. Chicks at nudie booths insert things into any opening, ANY opening.

Re: Things we learned from watching Clerks...

The following things when together, are important enough to mention in the local newspaper.

1. Getting engaged.
2. Being Asian
3. Majoring in Design

~~~"Who do you think you're dealing with? Guess again."~~~
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