Sex and the City : First break up with Big

First break up with Big

I just re watched first season which is not good (first few episodes any ways) and Carries has a melt down over seeing Big first time post break up. I understand the trauma of it but if you're out with a hot guy wouldn't you just rub it in Bigs face that you are better than him and doing fine without him. We're they even togrther a long time at this point?

Re: First break up with Big

I think that was her original plan but it all fell apart when she actually saw Big. She lost all her senses except for the beat of her heart and then she cried in New Yankee's kiss, lol

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During season 1, Carrie was just desperate. Big needed his time and he wasn't sure about his feelings towards her, and instead of letting things go naturally she start playing the victim, blaming him for her own problems, and overall, Carrie adopted a very dysfunctional behaviour. Carrie even went to church to see Big's mother when he precisely told him it was a private time for them! How pathetic!

I enjoy Carrie as a character, but I have to admit that most of the problems between Carrie and Big where caused by her need of attention and her inability to see her limitations. As a girl I find that women like Carrie let us down! Women like Carrie contribute to reinforce certain stereotype about women and relationships.


Carrie was always deluded, she always thought she was better than she actually was and let's be honest, Big was way out of her league. She was just a cute columnist, for God's sake! She wasn't particularly bright, well travelled, or influential! She wrote a sex column, that's it! Those were all her 'great achievements'! That and her Manolos were her pride! ;) Her constant dramas work for the show but in real life people like Carrie would not end up as well as Carrie did.



Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.-Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham (Downton Abbey)

Re: First break up with Big


She wrote a sex column, that's it! Those were all great achievements! That and her Manolos were her pride!


But the thing I liked was that she wasn't oblivious to that. It became clear in 3.03 Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman (2000).

I think it's very classist of some people who say that Big was too big for Carrie. Or she was a nobody or anything. This isn't the 19th century. It was beautifully dealt with in 2.10 The Caste System (1999).

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Still shopoholic, just wearing a new T-shirt

Re: First break up with Big

I don't think it is classist, it is just realistic. Carrie wasn't particularly beautiful, she wasn't bright, well traveled, or sophisticated either. She didn't seem to care for issues that matter in society and what she did did not require much skill. She wasn't a good writer, she was just a sex columnist. Moreover, Carrier wasn't an intellectual neither she had a passion for arts or humanities. Her only real interest was fashion yet she definitely did not know how to dress and behave in certain settings. Big would have met many women not only more beautiful but also more intelligent and wiser than Carrie. Carrie is not really special, so a man like Big doesn't have much in common with someone like Carrie. It isn't even about social class but about personalities and lifestyles. Let's be honest, Carrie didn't have much going on for her besides her curls and her shoes, and on top of it she was overconfident, immature, and a drama queen. Why would a man like Big go for a woman like her? I know my friends wouldn't!

I love Carrie as a character but Big's fixation with her was explained only by the fact that he initially did not take her seriously but was amused by her.

"Poor Evelyn Napier"--I may be single, but I'm far from poor. £££ #DowntonAbbey

Re: First break up with Big

That was definitely true at the beginning. Not only did Carrie not have her act together, she also dated a lot of sketchy people. She wasn't focused. But that is the point - Carrie is Everywoman.

When she first met him, Big seemed to have it all. He was handsome, confident, wealthy, unattached. His flaws were not obvious.

Later that situation reversed. Carrie had progressed with her career and had become a kind of local celebrity. She was more polished and dressed much better. She had landed a successful, wealthy celebrity boyfriend who thought she was worthy of being taken to Paris.

On the other hand, Big was now in his 50s, fatter, not as good-looking and had had major heart surgery. He also had a second failed marriage which revealed his flaws, and made him acknowledge them, so his confidence was diminished.

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I feel like you don't understand this show at all......

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What wonderful things did Big do that made Carrie "way out of his league"? I can't think of a single one.

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Big was born into the upper classes, like Trey. People like that rarely marry *out of their league* although they do like having mistresses (lovahs for the ladies).

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Where in the show was it ever indicated that Big was from the "upper classes"? I don't recall any mention of his family except for the scene when he took his mother to church.

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The evidence is pretty clear, you needn't be a super sluth to figure it out. Heck, the one episode when Carrie spots him in church and simply seeing his mother suggest that.

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There is no evidence, clear or unclear.

Seeing his mother suggests what?

You meant "sleuth" not "sluth".

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If you can't see it then that's your misfortune. It's never mentioned what socioeconomic bracket Miranda's background, but it's understood it was a particularly high one..or do you not know that as well.

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We know nothing of Miranda's socio-economic background.

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No, YOU don't know anything about Miranda's socioeconomic background.

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Miranda came from a Catholic, working class background.

Give a hand to my band, Sexual Chocolate! Coming to America

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No she didn't, all the clues the show gave suggested she came from a well to do background that she may have been Presbyterian of Lutheran. Steve was Catholic, and she dated a man that was Catholic and in both cases she was not very familiar with their practices.

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Yeah, I thought it was pretty clear from what we saw on the show that Big, Trey, Char, and Natasha were all a part of the upper crust.

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Can you explain why in Big's case, sonoma? I think the discussion isn't just that he has money now but he comes from it and off the top of my head, I don't think anything indicates that either way.

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Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

Re: First break up with Big

My view of Big was that he was a wealthy self-made man.

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I agree with this. He always seemed to be "new money" that he made himself in business, especially since he had that sardonic, sly down-low edge which was completely lacking in the refined WASPS of the show.

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Yeah, I don't know why it is something that has to be explicitly mentioned to be understood.

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It did seem clear. Big's mother and Bunny had a lot in common. Plus Charlotte knew the church was one favored by NYC elite.

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Big was not out of her league. Just because someone has money doesn't make them better than other people.You seem to be stuck in a Downton abbey way of thinking.

"I will not be strong armed by threats against my laundry"

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Re: First break up with Big

That was in the first movie

Re: First break up with Big

The meltdown was in the second season

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Her best meltdown was in Break Up #2, when she learned Big was heading to Paris for his work. She was venting to the girls at breakfast, banging on the table, etc, Later she flung fast food in his kitchen, circling his island while he tried to keep distance between them. The girls intervened and sent her to a shrink. Epic episode.

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And it turned out that Big didn't even have to move there! He was going to tell her once he got back from Paris cuz he'd find out more info there. And she FLIPPED out.. I'll never understand why she acted like a child. And she couldn't even go back & say "Ok, that makes sense. If you don't know anything about this until you go there I'll wait & see what you say." she had to justify it & blame it on Big for not telling her when he didn't even have any info! Ugh, always frustrates me lol...

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Well, to be fair, she had gotten accustomed to the idea, but then he said he wouldn't want her to join him for him, which is crazy IMO. Why would she go there if not for him? It was a gesture and he just felt cornered I guess. He was the one with the commitment issues.

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Still shopoholic, just wearing a new T-shirt

Re: First break up with Big

I think it was his way of saying "Girl, you are way too attached! I need breathing room and some freedom." It did not take him long to find another distraction.

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Exactly, when she bumps into big and Natasha at the beach, he tells her he's been back for a few months & intended to call her!!
Oh come on Carrie, how big a hint did you want. If he had any feelings for Carrie, he'd have ring her as soon as he landed back in the USA!! He didn't which means he didn't give a *beep* Also why the hell did Carrie ring him and start talking to him on the phone
I wouldn't want anything, and I mean absolutely nothing to do with him

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They had a conversation and she said she thought about them (herself and Big) all the time. But he said Look, I have to be in a relationship where work comes first. She just couldn't comprehend that and ended up in a shrink's office. However, Big went to Paris and got himself engaged, never giving her another thought till he ran into her at a beach party. He just was not as into her as she was with him.

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I always find her shrink session funny and her reaction, when she accuses the shrink of thinking she's a game player. I always think, "you? A game player? Nooooo..."

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I hated the first melt down because she was desperate and pathetic!! Asking him to say she's the one after a short time???? Oh come on, she needed to stop being so pathetic. The second melt down I completely agree with Carrie,

He's moving to Paris & she's right, he doesn't even care if she's with him or not!! I know what that like, my ex of 7 yrs together, moved to teach abroad so I kept thinking of ways for me to be with him by finding a job etc and he didn't even care!
She has e wry right to throw the food at him, if he loved her he would love her to be with him, not say to her "don't move for me & expect something" that's taking the piss out of Carrie. If u dont want to be with her just tell her straight. Not piss about!!

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Frankly put, Big was a schmuck. 100%.
He wanted all of the fun, without a drop of commitment.
I was appalled at how Carrie kept falling for his crap. When he DESERTED her at their own wedding, I was so glad that Carrie finallytold him off in a tough way! She was such a doormat.

Big never loved her, yet he seemed unaware of it. He was a grass-is-greener type of guy, he didn't want Carrie but he wanted her to be available in case he changed his mind or was single for a while.


I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

Re: First break up with Big

I thought it was stupid the way she acted. She is the one that broke up with him for no good reason.



🏁

Re: First break up with Big

I still don't get why she broke up with him.

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I still don't get why she broke up with him.


The first time? It was because she was way more serious about him than he was about her. She wanted him to say "I love you", tell everyone that she was his girlfriend & introduce her to his mother, all of which he didn't do. So when he showed up with tickets to St. Bart's she felt like she couldn't go because he wasn't showing or feeling the emotions that she needed him to.

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I like that Big never capitulated to any of Carrie's infantile demands. Any other guy might have placated her w fake words just to shut her up and get her to St Bart's.

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@sonomagirl , thats why i liked Big

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but how did she know if he wouldn't have felt different once they went on vacation together.

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I think she thought, "It's a been a year, if he doesn't feel this way now maybe he never will." Maybe she just worked herself up so much that it was you have to say this NOW and he couldn't so she couldn't continue to be with him. I'm not saying I'm right, just my thoughts on the whole situation :)

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I think you're right, iluvpalmtrees. Going on a trip together is a pretty serious step, but she felt really insecure that she was more into him and he was out of her league, that seemed to bubble over, and she wanted her feelings reassured right then and he wouldn't. I'd personally hate to turn down a nice little vacation, but if she felt neglected or like he didn't care then, she was just going to feel even more miserable on the trip so she didn't want to bother. In some ways, she was maybe being over-dramatic, but obviously they weren't on the same page at that time.

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Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

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I always thought she was silly and short sited for not going on the trip.
His commitment issues weren't going anywhere so go on the trip and dump him when you get home. It's not like she was going to break his heart. Especially the 1st break-up.

It's different if YOU are the one with the commitment issue and then you take a free ride somewhere knowing you don't love the other person but if the roles of reversed, take the damn trip!

(I know it's not that simple because of her feelings and all but I still wish this is what she would have done.)

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I think it was just revenge, a childish tantrum. He withheld the commitment and affection that she felt she merited and so she ruined his vacation as payback.

But on another level, maybe she felt it would be agony to go with him, knowing that he would keep her at arm's length.

A combination of both.

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I think that's a fair assessment. Partly she may have wanted to hurt him by not going but also it's hard to go on vacation if you know the person you're with isn't that into you, or into you a lot less than you are to them.

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Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

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I don't think it was that childish. She would have felt cheapened if she took the trip with him. It was basically a consolation prize, a pay-off for what he couldn't give her in the relationship. If she accepted it then she would have been accepting that what little she gets from him emotionally was good enough, and it wasn't for her. It would have been her saying she wasn't worth more if she took the "deal".

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I agree, it would've been great if she was able to ignore the fact that he wasn't in the same place as she was, and going along for the ride. And I wish I could've said the same, going on trip with a man I know has commitment issues, but when thinking about it, I most likely wouldn't.

But I don't think it was so much about revenge, than it was that she wouldn't manage to be there with Big, and the thought that he'd keep her at arm's length, as chattenoire said, was too much to take. She hadn't slept all night, thinking about it, questioning her faith. In faith. That Big's withholding would stop.

Maybe she partly wanted to hurt him as Moonli said, I just wish she hadn't asked him to say "you're the one", because I think that's a lot to ask for, especially in this situation. I mean, it took Big 6 freakin' seasons (!) to say it, (and we waiting for it) so those words would with 110% certainty not been the ones he said.

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I thought it was ridiculous that she didnt just go on the trip with him. I think that taking a trip together is a serious step in a relationship, and who knows, maybe he would have changed his mind about her if they had fun on the trip together. Vacations bring people closer together in weird ways, so it's completely possible that he would have felt differently about her later on down the line. If I were in her situation, I would probably go on the trip in the hopes of changing his mind.

You guys make valid points, and I think Carrie wanted to hurt Big and so that's why she dumped him. I also think she was very childish when it comes to relationships though. If she doesn't get her way she just fusses about it until she does. Relationships are about compromise and it seemed like Carrie didn't understand that concept.
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